Male Submission Art

Art and visual erotica that depicts masculine submission.

We showcase beautiful imagery where men and other male-identified people are submissive subjects. We aim to challenge stereotypes of the "pathetic" submissive man. Learn more….

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Tue Sep 9
Dear “Submissive” BDSM’ers: trying to “make your boy/girlfriend into a Dominant” is an intensely dominant act involving severe behavior modification, and you should at least own up to that.


See also:

(via maymay)

Sat Sep 6

There is a difference between “having hot, kinky sex” and “being into BDSM.” The sadomasochists’s subculture (aka the “BDSM Scene”) tells us that these are effectively the same thing, but this is a conflation intended to grant cultural legitimacy to their rank-and-file rapists, who call themselves Dominants. These self-identified Dominants are so desperate to justify their desire to have non-consensual sex that they promulgate the lie that it’s only possible to have hot, kinky sex within the context of a Dominant/submissive binary. That’s what “D/s dynamics” are.

It’s easy for many ethical kinksters to believe this lie, as I did, because the lie is premised on the pervasive idea that eroticism—and, therefore, sexual excitement—necessarily hinges on a power disparity in which one (dominant) party controls another (submissive) party. That is what domination is. Even “switching,” the practice of “swapping control” back and forth among sexual partners, relies on domination; switching is identical in every salient way to D/s binarism because it is still rooted in that binary.

The truth is that domination and control are not necessary elements of eroticism. You can still have hot, kinky sex that doesn’t base itself in a story (or the actual act) of one party overpowering another. Since we live in a pervasively coercive society, almost everyone finds coercive cultural tropes sexy, but there *are* ways to have sexy-fun-times that don’t also have elements of coercion at all. These sexy fun times are still hot, and they are still kinky.

The misperception that “kinky” is inevitably laced with domination or control is the lie that sadomasochistic rapists, that is, Dominants, have got people believing, hook, line, and sinker. The *point* of identifying as “Dominant” is to justify a desire for non-consensual sex.

maymay (paraphrased from this Facebook thread)

See also:

(via maymay)


How to have hot, kinky sex with other Submissives without inviting a Dom

  • FRIEND: Reading the blog posts [about rolequeerness] have also given me a glimpse into the problem I have with so much of the BDSM Scene. Like when I hear one submissive say they couldn't play with another submissive because they wouldn't take the lead. I always asked myself, "wait, what? Why?"
  • ME: Oh that was totally me for ages. The answer to "why?" tho is because we're conditioned to be done-to as Submissives and as a result the doing-to becomes Not-Hot. But even beyond that, we don't have a clear idea of how to do-to in ways that aren't Dominant, and for me at least, acting Dominant feels awful. It really is about a process of mental space-making. I'm just now getting rudimentary reframings sticking in my fantasy life, but shit's stuck in there real good, ya know?
  • FRIEND: Totally! The woman I'm talking to about this is stuck there too. She believes that she "can't ever be Dominant" and I'm like sure you can! You do it more than you realize.
  • ME: I think my point is that an act always has a meaning (because humans do that) but the same act also always and already has multiple other meanings, too. Rolequeering sex for me started by taking Dominants and domination out of the picture entirely and coming up with ways to feel the same physical sensations anyway.
  • FRIEND: Got it.
  • ME: What I noticed was that even in my fantasies wherein I was by myself there was always some D-type force, "off camera." So then it became a "Why?" game. Why is there a D-type in this fantasy in which I'm tied up attached to some sex bot machine? Obviously it was always some variation on "they're doing this to me!" Hot (cuz tropes) but limiting. So then I was like, "Okay, in what other scenario might I find myself experiencing this fantasy sex bot gizmo that DOESN'T involve a D-type?"
  • FRIEND: Right.
  • ME: Which, after the amount of cultural brainwashing I have, is FUCKING HARD, man.
  • FRIEND: Yeah, I hear ya.
  • ME: The simplest example fantasy I ended up with and have these days is basically a "sex gym" fantasy. I'm attached to a sex machine but the context is I'm "working out."
  • FRIEND: Okay.
  • ME: I came up with bunches: it's a sex SPA!
  • FRIEND: Lol!
  • ME: But the point was to come up with stories that were not about coercion and didn't require a D-type's force. Then, over time I add back another player, but still not a D-type. So now it's "What would someone who's watching me be fucked by/fucking this sex gizmo in a sex gym be doing, that isn't about coercion/overpowering me?" And again, FUCKING HARD TO THINK THROUGH for a long time.
  • FRIEND: I see.
  • ME: But with my partner's help, we started just coming up with wacky ideas that no longer seem so wacky. So, like, in a "sex gym" one easy possibility is a gym buddy/spotter. Two submissives could totally have the hots for cheering one another on in the same way dudes often encourage their bro to lift just a bit more weight.
  • FRIEND: So it's about finding out what's hot about a certain scene to you. Find out where the oppressive elements are and trying to find ways of removing those or changing them?
  • ME: Right, that was the process for me. The point is that there turns out to be MANY scenarios that just never occurred to me because I was unnecessarily fetishizing domination. So it's not like domination isn't a thing I want in my sex life, it's fucking hot, I get that. It's just A) not a central component of all my fantasies and desires anymore, B) not a thing I feel like I can only get from "Dominants," and C) this other thing I call "clinky solidarity" is a shiny new yummy thing! "Clinky" is a reference to the sound chains make when you rub 'em together, solidarity is self-explanatory, so the term basically means "playing without dominants."
  • FRIEND: Yeah, that's awesome. Okay, yeah, I feel like I got this now. So, if someone really liked rope/bondage, the idea is to find ways in which the tieing up process is changed or eliminated? Or is bondage itself just too much of a coercive element that it's better to just leave it out entirely?
  • ME: I wouldn't presume to tell someone else what their process should be, though I would suggest removing coercive influences outright is a good start. The point is not that Thing X IS COERCIVE, it's that what coercion is for different people is defined by their relationship to that element. For me, bondage was both comforting and coercive so I removed it for a while, missed the comforting parts, interrogated the whole shebang, and ultimately told myself new stories about WHY I was tied up and what relationship I had to the person tying me. It went from stuff like, "They tied me down to keep me captive" to stuff like, "They are helping me break a record at the sex gym by making sure I can't bail too early," for instance.
  • FRIEND: Okay, got it.
  • ME: People read some of my recent stuff and they get all like, "But bondage and chastity devices but but but!" and it's like, yeah, I still want and do all of those things, I'm not having missionary sex with the lights off for fuck's sake.
  • FRIEND: Like!
  • ME: It's just that now Submissiveness isn't linked to being MADE to do anything, it's about constructing situations and relationships with others in which my own desire to, say, be locked in a chastity device is nurtured and supported. The result is (not oddly) that I'm hella "more" submissive now than I ever was when I was focusing on domination for every fantasy. 20/20 hindsight, ya know.
  • FRIEND: Yeah, I can totally see that. Well, I asked that because my friend asked how do you rolequeer getting tied up and my brain just stalled. But after hearing you describe your process, I understand it much better now and can explain it better.
  • ME: It's like, if what you want is to be a champion weight lifter, you could hang out with a bunch of runners for a while and you'll become a slightly better lifter. But if you hang out with a bunch of weight lifters, then you'll get a lot better at lifting weights a lot faster *iff* you can all help each other do that. What BDSM culture knows is what hetero culture knows: men aren't required for women's sexual satisfaction, so you have to use all kinds of force to keep women away from each other and dependent on men. Ditto with Doms/Subs. We don't need doms, so they insist on telling us that we do.
  • FRIEND: Yeah, totally. I'm gonna think on this for a bit. I gotta hit the hay (I have to be up in a few hours). You've been a big help, thanks again!
  • ME: Glad I could help. :)
Wed Sep 3

Stripped of its cultural dressage, identifying as a sadomasochistic “Dominant” (a “Dom”) is, at its core, a claim that you expect others to be grateful to you for violating their consent. While there are certainly some situations in which gratitude may be a legit reaction someone has to experiencing a consent violation, presupposing that this is how they should feel towards you is even worse than being indifferent to how they actually feel. It’s this callous entitlement over a person’s process of consenting that underpins the “D/s dynamics” in BDSM relationships.

And given that domination isn’t even needed to have hot, kinky sex, it saddens me that BDSM’ers repeatedly tell certain people (Submissives, specifically) that the only way they can have hot, kinky sex is by preemptively agreeing to feel grateful to someone who doesn’t really care how they’ll leave feeling when the act is over, anyway.

maymay, who has definitely never had a decade’s worth of experience in D/s relationships, and who totally doesn’t have an insider’s critique of BDSM subculture, nope, definitely not, nuh-uh, *sticks fingers in ears* lalalalala.

See also:

(via maymay)

Mon Sep 1






“Repeat Rape: How do they get away with it?”, Part 1 of 2. (link to Part 2)


  1. College Men: Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists,Lisak and Miller, 2002 [PDF, 12 pages]
  2. Navy Men: Lisak and Miller’s results were essentially duplicated in an even larger study (2,925 men): Reports of Rape Reperpetration by Newly Enlisted Male Navy Personnel, McWhorter, 2009 [PDF, 16 pages]

By dark-side-of-the-room, who writes:

These infogifs are provided RIGHTS-FREE for noncommercial purposes. Repost them anywhere. In fact, repost them EVERYWHERE. No need to credit. Link to the L&M study if possible.

Knowledge is a seed; sow it.

Reblogging because I mentioned this study in a post the other day and someone reblogged & replied insinuating that I’d made it up, but I didn’t have the citation on hand right then. As I said then: rape culture is what teaches rapists that they aren’t rapists.

^ bolded for emphasis

like we talked about in my college’s Rape Prevention seminar, only a very small amount of men are rapists, but they are repeat offenders, so they harm multiple women before they get caught.

Put simply, there are two general strategies that can be used to solve this problem:

  1. Expose the repeat rapists as early as possible (This is what Predator Alert Tool for OkCupid aims to do.)
  2. Get survivors who share an abuser in common in touch with one another as soon as possible. (This is what Predator Alert Tool for Facebook aims to do.)

Clearly, if there is more than one way to address a problem, the best course of action is to address the problem using all the ways we can simultaneously address it. Activists sometimes call this simple idea “diversity of tactics,” although a lot of people misunderstand that phrase.

Strategy number 1 is an attempt at prevention that will not be 100% successful. (Nothing is 100% successful, especially on its own.) Strategy number 2 is an attempt to provide survivors with the communal resources they need to ensure a rapist is only able to rape a minimal number of times before they are prevented from doing so again.

Technological tools like these are not new. Before Predator Alert Tool for Facebook existed, survivors wrote the names of their rapists on bathroom stalls. (And they still do that, today.) They were also asking their social network (their friends) about how the person they were thinking of going out with behaved like in bed. That’s basically all the Predator Alert Tools do, too. Just, faster, ‘cause computers.

I spend a lot of my time thinking about technologies and the sociocultural and sociopolitical impact they have, especially on rape culture. If you’re curious about the Predator Alert Tool project or these ideas more generally, check out my blog post: “Predator Alert Tool as a game theoretic simulation of countermeasures to rape culture.”

Also, please reblog. Obviously. Thanks. :)

Sat Aug 30

Despite signing paperwork and a checklist of dos and don’ts, I was in way over my head. What I thought I was agreeing to felt a lot different in reality. I was groped by hands I didn’t know. There were masked people everywhere, but only the ones wearing wristbands were my approved scene partners. If I balked at an act or found it difficult to perform, I was “punished” for my defiance (which is the nature of a BDSM scene). It felt more like a party for the extras than a professional scene. Experienced as I was, it was new to me. I’d never used a safe word before (and forgot to), so when things became too much to bear and I began protesting, no one listened. The word “No” doesn’t work in these types of scenes.

I met my breaking point in this particular scene—halfway through, I had to be untied and calmed down. I was shaking. I felt a catch in my throat when I tried to speak and I could barely keep the tears at bay. I felt like I’d been beat. Yet I was hugged, inundated with compliments, and told how strong I was for being on the receiving end. I was caned, electrically prodded, and slapped around. I didn’t feel powerful. In the interim, I had to decide whether I was going to quit or be a professional and finish the scene. After everything I’d gone through, leaving would have made it worthless. So I stayed.

After the scene, I did a brief on camera interview about my experience—a standard company procedure. I nodded my head, smiled, and said all the right things. To me, that interview was also part of the job. It’s also filmed before performers are paid, or at least that’s been my experience.


While there are plenty of porn stars who regularly work for Kink and sing their praises, those that have had a negative experience are hesitant to speak up, fearing what it would do to their workload. Kink is one of the few large companies with the budget to offer steady work. Some people in the porn industry, it seems, would rather have work they don’t like than no work at all.

My ‘Kink’ Nightmare: James Franco’s BDSM Porn Documentary ‘Kink’ Only Tells Part of the Story

That “documentary” is blatant pro-BDSM subculture propaganda. The more general issue, however, is the multi-headed hydra of mutually dependent coercive institutions: BDSM on the surface, and the capitalist society on which this peculiar manifestation of abusive sex rests. To quote unquietpirate’s reaction to this article on Twitter:

See also more of my criticism of the definitionally pro-rape BDSM subculture:

See also more of my criticism of definitionally anti-equality capitalist social orders:

See also more of my writings on the intersection between ethics, consent, sex, and labor:

And finally, see also one of my most well-cited performative rants, “Re-Caste-ing alternative sexuality: A Class Analysis of Social Status in the BDSM Scene.”

TL;DR: The coercive nature of BDSM relies on and reinforces the coercive nature of capitalist economics. It’s possible to have satisfying, kinky sex that has nothing to do with BDSM. It’s also possible to enjoy doing satisfying work that has nothing to do with capitalism. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to control you.

(via maymay)

(via maymay)

Fri Aug 29

If Alice uses Bob for her sexual gratification, there is nothing she can do to make that objectification right. Bob and Bob alone has that power. In my mind, submission isn’t just some kink that some people have. Submission is the voluntary use of one’s own power to become the means to someone else’s end.

Submission lies at the heart of what makes sex good. It exercises one’s own autonomy, recognizes the autonomy of one’s partner, and places trust in their sensitivity and good judgement. It’s possible to have sex without domination. Putting the two under the same umbrella is another huge logical misstep. But without submission - mutual submission - there is only coercion.

glasswings (via unquietpirate)

In the third post in my “Dominants are rapists” series, I asserted “Submission’s where the magic happens.” This is a much expounded (and beautiful) description of what that actually means. The bumper-sticker slogan that straight people need to get this point through their skulls is “Submissives need dominants like lesbians need men. Think about it,” but is more precisely stated, “Telling submissive people they need dominants for sexual fulfillment is like telling women they need men for sexual fulfillment.” Arguably its earliest articulation in my writing was in the post, “Submissive people don’t need Dominants. Period.

See also:

(via maymay)

(via maymay)

Sat Aug 16
Tue Aug 12

Cyberbusking: An Unusual Appeal


So, I don’t usually use blog posts to explicitly ask readers for donations. But I’m doing that tonight because in the span of 2 months, I’ve had to use money for a laptop repair ($300+), a car repair (~$370), and as of tonight, a car tow (~$130) and repair that I don’t yet have the bill for. These numbers are pretty extreme, for me.

As regular readers know, I don’t have a house. I have a car. That car is my house. (Legally speaking, I’m a vagrant.) For most folks, rent is the most expensive part of their budget. That’s true for me, too. It’s just that, for me, “rent” means “car insurance.” Since I’m kind of a cyborg, I also have a cell phone bill, and these two expenses combined are what I think of as “rent.”

I’ve done a lot more than I used to think possible to distance myself from the need to use money. To large extent, it’s worked. A huge chunk of my food comes from others’ waste, and another huge chunk of it comes from gift cards from readers like you. Most of my “cash on hand” also comes from donations, often for the utility software I make available such as Tumblr Crosspostr or the Inline Google Spreadsheet Viewer. (I also used to be on food stamps, but those were cut.)

I’ve been jobless for over four years now, and homeless for more than three. And yet, it’s in that time—the time when I’ve been jobless and homeless—that I’ve been at my most impactful, in areas ranging from sexual violence prevention to seed saving and food justice. I bring this up not to justify my existence (I don’t have to justify existing), but to remind you that having a job is totally unrelated to doing meaningful work. Telling jobs and bosses to go fuck themselves has been one of the best things I’ve ever done in terms of my personal productivity, and in terms of my positive impact on society.

I hope that’s as inspiring to you as it feels to me, because living in a world where people are treated first and foremost like humans instead of line items is a Big Fucking Deal to me. And getting rid of money is a necessary step towards that world.

But taking the path less traveled doesn’t make me independent of others. No one’s really completely independent anyway. What it makes me, then, is simply a lot more aware of the ways in which I am dependent on other people. And then my car breaks down for the second time in that many months while I’m hundreds of miles away from anyone I know and, well, #UghCapitalism.

What everyone intuitively knows but most people don’t acknowledge is that we use money to outsource the work of having human relationships. If I stayed put in this area long enough to make some friends, eventually someone might help me get the parts and fix my car. Or I could ditch the car, go back to hitchhiking, relying solely on the kindness and curiosity of strangers. And if I can’t get the money to fix my car, then maybe that’s what I’ll do. I’m pretty resourceful. Look, I’ll probably be just fine.

But if I’m going to get my car fixed, which I’d like to do so that I can continue focusing on coding instead of where my next ride is coming from, and if I’m going to get it fixed any time in the near future, which I’d like to do so that I can keep a commitment to someone I care about further up the coast, I’ve got to use money to do that. I’m lucky that I can dip into my bank account—something a lot of people don’t even have. But that’s money I would have otherwise spent primarily on things like gas or food.

I’m not really asking for your help because I can’t live without it. I probably can. But your donations make it possible for me to not merely survive, but to create; to focus on projects, ideas, and resources that make our world a better place. If you think what I’ve been doing is valuable, I need your help to continue spending my time and energy on that work. And if you think I’ve done a lot on my own, just imagine what I can accomplish with your help.

So, if you’ve appreciated any of the essays on my blogs, or if you’ve been using any code I wrote, and you’ve been on the fence about whether to donate, please do. There is no such thing as “just” a small donation. And given the past two months of expensive equipment failures, now is a time when even small donations will really make a difference.


Mon Aug 11

This is what the difference between BDSM’ers and anti-rape kinksters looks like


Shortly after I published my last post, “What happens when a healthcare company’s employee takes down a rape survivor support site?” I received permission to publish an email from yet another PAT-FetLife user. It’s particularly relevant because it directly counters one of the most frequently cited justifications for why the healthcare company employee, Caroline Tyler, attacked Predator Alert Tool for FetLife and made it unavailable. That justification being that “it was set up for use in USA to identify people with a criminal record in our society, it has no use whatsoever in the UK.” (Definitely follow the link to FetLife and chime in, yourself, if you want.)

Of course, that is itself at best a grave misunderstanding of the purpose of the Predator Alert Tools and at worst yet another intentional lie from the Bitter BDSM’er Brigade about the tool. The truth is I intended Predator Alert Tool to be used wherever ethical people want to act in resistance of rape culture. National boundaries are not a sensible demarcation for such a demographic. (And it’s also why not having any moderator is a necessary, intentional design feature.)

So, without further ado, here’s the email:

Hi :)

I’m in the UK so I don’t know how good it will be to you, but if you ever turn up in Surrey my sofa is available for a kip. […]

I don’t know, your inbox is probably flooded with these kinds of messages so you probably don’t want to hear but I just wanted to thankyou for helping spread the anti-sexual-violence message and the whole thing with FAADE. I’m just incredibly grateful. It enabled me to warn people about Jack, also known as Fox_Vanweasel amongst other things, when the criminal justice system failed me. I think he and his honeytrap girlfriend Renegade-Hearts have deleted their accounts now, but it gave me a voice when I felt like I had none.

Jack restrained, raped, tortured and humiliated me for 6 hours but more than that he lied and betrayed my trust as well as physically overpowering me when I was a naive barely-18 year old, and he was a fully grown man. I was naive, but teenagers should be allowed to be naive without predators taking advantage of this.

He groomed me before executing a deeply violent attack, switching between sweet and caring and gift-giving to anally-raping and humiliating, then back to play video games and run me a bath. I was trapped in his house for 8 hours, too afraid to even speak. Yet the police told me I should have ‘fought back more’ when the blindfold slipped because his piss had dampened it. They told me it was a ‘he said, she said’ situation even though I later found his accounts on other sites expressing a desire to rape someone prior to my assault. They dismissed the case entirely and there was a report some time later on crime statistics in Croydon, where this was carried out, saying that a lot of people are dissuaded from taking the individual to court, or the police won’t do so, in order to make the official crime statistics (based on court cases) look lower.

So this unbiased, user-owned PAT tool is ideal in such situations of corruption, bureaucracy and pencil-pushing taking over from protecting real persons from real attacks. It’s a shame their accounts are gone so people can’t be warned, but maybe the interview with the police scared them off- made them realise they can face consequences.

Anyway. The real message is that you’re doing a good thing and you’re welcome to a drink or the couch if you’re ever in the UK.

-[Mia] :)

The takeaway here is that there is a very big difference between BDSM’ers and ethical kinksters. The overwhelming majority of information about kinky-sexy-things on the Internet isn’t useful. It’s rape apologist propaganda.

There’s no better demonstration of this than the fact that Predator Alert Tool’s most vocal and insistent attackers come from the supposedly “safe, sane, and consensual” BDSM community.