Male Submission Art

Kneeling in total blackness, a naked man in a rope harness and headdress leans back and faces upwards.

I like this entrancing photograph by LarsNYC on Flickr for its obvious and overt strength. The man is holding himself up with closed fists right along with the open and vulnerable pose. That combination creates an appealing composite because it hints at some significant substance from the model himself.

One of my favorite things about this picture, though, is the total solitude in which the man is shown; there are only minimal accoutrement to indicate a possibly submissive orientation other than his pose. This is remarkable because in my eyes it highlights the fact that submission does not come about through someone else’s control. That’s mere restriction in the best case and abuse in the worst. Instead, it comes about through a submissive person’s active desire to submit.

Consensual sexual submission is not about how someone else controls me, it’s about the opportunities I create for myself to be vulnerable to another person. A desire for sexual submission itself is a valid motivation for healthy sex, despite being a desire that’s often pathologized or invalidated by cultural pressures, levied particularly harshly on men. That’s why I so strongly advocate for empowering every individual to choose exactly what they do or do not want—a power that’s required to make healthy sexual choices for one’s self, even “as a submissive.”

-maymay

ireensarrows:

male:self march # 4 (via lars nyc)

The penis of a lean man is leashed loosely with cord and pulled to one side.

It’s rare that I come across any penis photographs that I like because they’re so often preposterously garish. Frequently, people’s fixation on the phallus trumps too many other considerations, replacing any opportunity I might have found for reverence with scorn. The model in this picture, however, actually seems honorable to me. Perhaps it’s because, while his cock is an obvious centerpiece, there is so much else to enjoy about him, like the moisture dripping down his abdomen, the rough texture of his pubic hair, or the finely sculpted shape of his arms.

Wherever men are involved, a dangerous, wide-spread stereotype is almost inescapable: the cock-centric notion that if you control a man’s penis, you control the man. Like many submissive men, I fetishize this idea; the stereotype can be convenient fantasy. But in reality, it’s important to distinguish fetishistic triggers from causes of desires, lest we perpetuate the myth that dominance is always coercive, and submission always unassertive.

-maymay

Standing naked, a man’s wrists are tied behind his back with red rope as he holds a red rose upright in his right hand.

This photograph was sent in by caitiff, who wrote:

I am the photographer so I am not sure I can be unbiased. However, I liked the idea because I don’t see enough of bondage as a prop of romance. Hands tied with rope are as erotic to me (if not more) than any of the stereotypical examples one can think of (nudity, the rose, ect.).

I like this simple, if perhaps somewhat cliche image, because the symbolic use of object and color is clear enough that even I (an artistic dunce) can understand it. Perhaps the only thing missing from the picture are the thorns on the rose, which seem to have been cut from the stem. Nevertheless, the association between being physically bound to being emotionally committed is a powerful one.

Romance is frequently highly prescribed; Valentine’s Day, white-dress marriages, and serenades with string quartet accompaniment are oft-referenced platonic ideals. Moreover, it’s also strictly constrained; unions not based on gender or that include more than 2 people are often mistrusted. But of course, “true” romance—like “true love”—is what you choose to make of it.

-maymay

A burly, bleeding man partially bound half-naked to a wooden chair is punched in the face by another man wearing only the skimpiest of uniform apparel and military paraphernalia. Both men’s penises are visibly erect.

When I first saw this image, it jarred me to the point of concern, but it also reminded me of a great movie I have long eroticized: Fight Club. Even before my exposure to that movie as a teenager, I fantasized about losing fights to stronger people, usually other boys. In those fantasies, and perhaps in this (likely staged) photograph as well, unrestrained but invited aggression were highly emotional and cathartic outlets for stress, celebrations of personal strength or achievement, and playful, sporty fun.

Moreover, being beaten consensually and emerging from the experience successfully can feel mind-blowingly empowering. As Zac explains in his excellent talk at KinkForAll Providence:

BDSM is a personal theatrical ritual. […] It’s a private performance, in which the participants are actor, director, writer, audience and stunt double. The successful carrying out of a scene depends on their mutual engagement in a shared fantasy, and this depends on effective and mindful negotiation and communication. I’d contend that navigating the mental and ethical twists and turns involved in this scene-setting has, at best, the potential for helping people navigate issues of consent and coercion in other venues of their lives.

[…]

Philip Zimbardo […] gave a TED Talk on evil. He lays out seven pre-conditions for good people to commit evil acts. They are:

1. Mindlessly taking the first small step.
2. Dehumanization of others.
3. De-individuation of self.
4. Diffusion of personal responsibility.
5. Blind obedience to authority.
6. Uncritical conformity to group norms.
7. Passive tolerance of evil through inaction or indifference.

So, while what we do as kinksters is sometimes compared to the institutional abuses that happened at Abu Ghraib, there’s actually no comparison between that rubric and what we do. There’s no room in there for interactions between two consenting individuals, outside the structure of social institutions, based on negotiation, discussion, communication, and empathy.

(Skip to 4:01 in the video for the start of this quote.)

Nevertheless, since consensual sadomasochistic ritual is easily mistaken for abuse by uninformed observers, those of us who engage in it have been consistently pathologized by the medical community. As a result of their ignorance, some depictions of SM have already been outlawed in the UK and a US court recently sentenced a collector of “obscene” manga to 6 months in prison. Legal decisions like these are extremely dangerous to everyone’s freedoms because their premise fails to correctly recognize the very thing on which the law is based: intent.

The sad irony is that by criminalizing healthy explorations in navigating issues of coercion through consensual sexuality, anti-porn extremists are stunting the very self-determination they so desperately want everyone to have.

-maymay

(via pornotumble)

Leaning backwards, a man sits in the lap of a woman whose face is pushed against his body and whose hands grasp at him possessively.

This photograph was suggested by Bailadora, who wrote to say that:

This picture immediately brought to mind the entry you wrote about being on the receiving end of an aggressive blowjob.

Although I can see why the imagery here would remind one of that blowjob post, this image speaks of possession, not assertion, to me. Perhaps it’s the position of the woman’s hands on the man’s body, pulling at his underwear and pawing at his neck, or perhaps it’s the almost sacrificial offering of his body in the way the man is baring his throat. Either way, what I like most about the photograph is the evident desire exuding from both models.

Desire is a complex beast; it’s difficult to succinctly and accurately communicate what it is that we want. Worse, if you enjoy occupying certain social roles, such as submissive masculinity, cultural preconceptions about what you are allowed to want so strongly influence so many people that actually getting what you want is made even harder. And if that weren’t enough, many people often perceive frustration from wanting-and-not-getting as anger or entitlement on your part when, in fact, such frustration is simply the innate human drive towards equal opportunity.

In my pessimistic moments, I’ve all but given up on getting what I want in a significant, lasting way. Neither the mainstream nor alternative communities have felt like a home to me, with the BDSM community perhaps the most oddly sexist of all. Nevertheless, I try to stay optimistic and make things better. When people ask me why, I tell them the simple truth: I’m doing it for the children, the unborn future generations of submissive men (and other youth) who deserve a better world than the one we’ve currently got.

Please help me make something better for them than was done for us.

-maymay

Many have written to me expressing thanks and praise. I find myself at a loss to express how thankful I am for that, because the fuel for this site and so much of my writings is and continues to be extreme personal sadness.

Today, Valentine’s Day, I again have only these two words instead of the three I wished for: thank you.

-maymay

The KinkForAll blue and white flame-in-flame icon.

I am super excited about participating in KinkForAll Providence this upcoming Saturday, February 6^th. If you don’t yet know about it, KinkForAll is a series of free, public, educational sexuality events in the form of highly participatory, ad-hoc conferences. The next one is taking place in Brown University, and is being (un)organized by Emma in cooperation with the Sexual Health Education and Empowerment Council, a student-run group at Brown University chaired by the stunningly pro-active Aida Manduley. To echo Aida’s pitch:

If you’re sex-positive, sex-curious, and/or just plain sexy, you should consider attending a KinkForAll.

KinkForAll Providence will be the 5^th one. If you’ve paged through the archives of this site, you’ll know that previous events were held in New York City, Boston, and near Washington, DC. That’s one KinkForAll, in 4 different cities, just about every 2 months or so in just the first year since KinkForAll’s conception! Wow!

KinkForAll began because people in sexuality communities have a real need to mix and mingle in a non-eroticized environment. More than that, it spread because participants recognized the need for this country’s (and perhaps the world’s) public discourse about issues relating to sexuality to engage everyone—not just activists—about sexual freedom and diversity.

Come out and help us push forward! And if you can’t make it in person for any reason at all, participate online at the KinkForAll Providence Live page! I hope to see you there!

-maymay

Bent at the waist, a naked man in darkness dangles from the end of a chain by the ropes binding his arms behind his back.

This photograph, called The Power’s Breaking Loose by vishstudio, was suggested by naturalnumber, and it’s part of a set that I really like. Of another photo in the set, tastethesea said:

My god I love this. Everything about this, right down to the daintily crossed ankles.

In both pictures, the man is definitely showing some “daintiness,” a hint and not much more than that of delicate beauty. I’m fond of the model’s pose in all the photos, but I especially like this one because of how entrancing the curved line from his back, down over his ass, to his legs, and finally his toes on each foot are. I like that line because it makes clear how carefully he’s standing and yet shows off obviously powerful muscles.

What at first might seem insubstantial can often reveal itself as very sturdy indeed because the distance from fragility to durability is not as far as many are taught to believe. This was not an easy lesson, and I still have to remind myself of it whenever I feel debilitating frustration over what others say my sexuality should be, whenever I get angrier than I know how to channel into pursuits that create rather than destroy, or whenever I feel helplessly unheard despite the hoarseness in my throat from screaming my presence.

This is not fun. It hurts. I’ve gotten tired of looking for lovers, or friends, or even just receptive ears at times; I truly believed I’d never experience sexual satisfaction on my own terms. But ultimately none of that stopped me from trying again. Nothing can stop me because I know my vulnerability and, although at times painful, it empowers me. That makes me, and others like me, unbreakable.

All of a sudden, this exclusive hegemony is not so hegemonic anymore.

-maymay

A young man leashed between the legs of a young woman kneels and looks up at her. The woman looks back at him, holding a hand on the back of his head.

Despite risking having a sole focus on the dominant woman, this picture, suggested by msa_10, somehow manages to pull my eyes between her and the submissive man. The difference in height and expression of each partner brings a surprisingly balanced visual weight to the total composition. I particularly like the way the man seems captivated in this situation; the woman is holding his leash short but not taught, and one of her legs is slung over his shoulder but they’re not tightly closed around him. Perhaps he’s just finished going down on her, and now she is taking care of him.

Care taking after playtime is called aftercare and in a recent blog post about aftercare, Saynine observes:

[T]here seemed to be a consensus from both Pro FemDommes and non-Pro that male bottom/subs do not require the same level of aftercare [as bottom/submissive women do] or any at all. This is fascinating to me and I do not even have a theory as to why. I do wonder if maybe FemDommes are less interested in providing aftercare.

Sadly, I’ve observed the same thing. While the idea that men—regardless of D/s orientation—don’t need or want aftercare is prevalent, it is wrong and very dangerous. Saynine quotes one dominant woman saying:

Call it stereotypical but I really would consider [a man who wants aftercare] a sissy and not want to play with him again.

I feel that this ignorant view, perpetuated not only by such women but also by many men, stems from a misinformed belief that desiring care somehow makes people not-men. But such fundamental desires don’t actually manifest as gendered dichotomies. As Eve Ensler has said:

Let’s think how compassion informs wisdom, and that vulnerability is our greatest strength, and that emotions have inherent logic[…]. And then let’s remember that we’ve been taught the exact opposite by the powers that be. That compassion clouds your thinking, that it gets in the way, that vulnerability is weakness, that emotions are not to be trusted[…].

I think the whole world has, essentially, been brought up not to be a girl. How do we bring up boys? What does it mean to be a boy? To be a boy really means not to be a girl. To be a man means not to be a girl. To be a woman means not to be a girl. To be strong means not to be a girl. To be a leader means not to be a girl.

I actually think that being a girl is so powerful that we’ve had to train everyone not to be that.

(Skip to 2:00 in the video.)

Ensler’s “girl” is not an actual person, but an acknowledgement of the multiplicity of wants and needs that exists within each of us, man and woman, dominant and submissive, adult and child. What saddens me most about the ignorant dominant woman’s quote is that she doesn’t even see how her lack of compassion not only devalues others in her own eyes, but also cuts herself off from having access to valuable others. Such dominant women are not powerful, and therefore not attractive to a submissive man like me.

-maymay

Tied with ropes and blindfolded with a necktie, a muscular man wearing a suit is partially undressed.

This fun picture was sent in by Ranai, who says that the photograph is a promo pic from Men at Play, a UK-based gay porn site which specialises in horny men wearing suits. While this man’s body isn’t the kind of masculine ideal I aspire to, I can certainly understand the appeal it has for many women like her, and other people too:

Some men just look wonderful in a well-cut suit. Even better, half in and out of the suit, tied up, and with the necktie used as a blindfold. Hey, he even has a hint of chest hair. Not much, but it’s there. Oh yes! I love hair. Show me porn with beautiful hair any time. In summary, my well-considered commentary: fuckyeahtiedupmeninsuits!

Neckties, especially as blindfolds, are one of the most common examples of pervertible toys, which I love in part because they are ostensibly a symbol of male dominance in heteronormative spaces such as Western business markets. I never understood why sexuality had to be made so expensive, which is why I hate the socioeconomic barrier “sex toys” can be. Even underwear is a sex toy if you intend it to be, and not just for gags.

As an aside, I’ve been stressing a lot over my failure to update this blog according to my publication goal of 1 post per day, so I really appreciated Ranai’s personal note:

P.S. Please don’t worry so much about when you update MSA or not. Just do it whenever it works for you, and leave it as it is for a while when you’re busy with other projects. The site has a fabulous archive already.

Beyond taking the opportunity to thank you for the kind words, Ranai, I wanted to also remind readers that they—you—are not only invited but encouraged to suggest pictures and even entire posts by sending them to me. Most of the best pictures on this site have come from reader suggestions now, and if you compose a 2-3 paragraph piece to go along with your suggestion, it may get featured as a guest post.

Thank you for helping me keep the hot, sexy, submissive men pictures coming in. :)

-maymay