The Real Doms of Reddit
“I reformed a bitchy, entitled, ambitious girl into a submissive. For me, it just came naturally.”
“What’s even the point of going to a munch, if there’s nobody there who I can fuck?”
“I have my subs call me Alpha because I am there to guide them.”
“Punishes you for bad behavior by sending your Sub Diary to potential employers.”
Clicking through is so worth it because you get to see how the Real Doms responded!! This is the saddest and most hilarious thing. For instance, check this one by “Jonruy” out:
Bear in mind, I don’t expect being a dom to be a significant aspect of my life, so I don’t really want to spend a great amount of time and effort preparing for it. It’s something that fascinates me, and something I think I just might be good at. If the opportunity presented itself, I would love to give it a try, but otherwise I think of it as a pipe dream, like winning the lottery or starting my own video game development company.
It’s like they’re suggesting Douchey Dom memes now:
Pair with, “Almost everyone—including myself—finds coercive cultural tropes sexy.”
Male Submission Art
Art and visual erotica that depicts masculine submission.
We showcase beautiful imagery where men and other male-identified people are submissive subjects. We aim to challenge stereotypes of the "pathetic" submissive man. Learn more….
Your steward is maymay. Want to collaborate with me? It's easy: visit MaleSubmissionArt.com/submit or tag your Delicious.com bookmarks as for:MaleSubmissionArt! More ways to contribute….
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NICE GUY … DOM
We should start a “Nice Guys of FetLife” tag.
(via unquietpirate)
With Maymay starting the DoucheyDom meme that I love and with it being their birthday too, there’s a thing I wanted to say.
I don’t know exactly when I started following Maymay’s writing. It might have been 2007 when they started Maybemaimed, it might have been earlier, it might have been a bit later. I know all their first posts but that might be because I’ve scrolled back. Anyway, when I started reading their work it was because I was interested in the work of a fellow submissive person with the same gender identity as me (at the time). And they also had another blog full of pretty pictures that were sexy.
I had never been to a BDSM space in my life, being under 21 at the time. I was curious but had no idea where to begin and Maymay was a person I could relate to, who wrote things I liked.
And as they learned, evolved, gained a fuller understanding of how wrong and dangerous the BDSM community is, I was there reading their work and learning from it. Later in life, I did go to some BDSM events and it was one big “holy shit I recognize this!” experience. Everywhere I went I saw the exact kind of behavior Maymay had been blogging about. I don’t think I would have noticed it if they hadn’t blogged about how scary that is, but because they had, I recognized it.
Fast forward to now. I have had many amazing relationships outside the BDSM scene. I am still figuring out sexuality and how complicated it is but I am pretty comfortable about it. I have never had an experience where someone violated my consent. Never. And when I look at my younger self - trans, insecure, terrified of disappointing partners, eager for bdsm experiences - and then I look at the consent violation statistics in the scene closest to me - 65% of all participants have experienced consent violations, nobody knows what the statistics are for subs, let alone for young insecure trans subs - it is mindboggling to be that I’m not part of those statistics. The odds certainly weren’t in my favour. And while I know sheer dumb luck and my own actions have something to do with that, I can also see one factor that really helped me recognize dangerous situations and avoid them: Maymay. Reading their work armed me with the eyes I needed to see rape culture and the words I needed to identify it.
The BDSM scene is a very big hard to kill monster and it can be a struggle to fight that thing for years without ever fully slaying the beast. It can seem like all the work is barely making a difference. But to me, the difference that Maymay makes is huge. And that’s probably true for a lot of other people too. The work they do saves lives.I literally don’t know what to say to this except to say that I don’t know what to say to this.
I think “thank you” might be expected, but that seems trite and self-serving. So maybe something more congratulatory. And maybe more in the style du jour:
(Source: queeranarchism)
Anonymous asked: CW: self injury, mental illness. I was curious what you think of kink critical arguments that BDSM is a form of 'self harm'. I'm a masochist who also has a history of depression and self injury. I'm into pain as a sensation, but was wondering if in your opinion there is anything substantively different from inflicting pain on oneself in nonsexual situations of emotional distress and playing with pain in the context of kink?
If you had asked me this in 2011, I would have told you “self-harm has nothing to do with BDSM.” Here’s the core of the argument I made at the time:
To posit BDSM as self-harm (or, “self-abuse”), a position often advanced by anti-SM folk who like to capitalize on the fact that many BDSM’ers (including me, I’ll say publicly possibly for the first time) have a history of self-harm, is as ludicrous as saying masturbation is rape, not because masturbation is either negative or positive but because masturbation is necessarily a lone act and rape is not. Both BDSM and rape—regardless of any moral entanglements—necessarily involve multiple people. Self-harm, on the other hand, is by definition solitary.
I look back on that now and I think, “gosh, what a load of BDSM’er crap.”
What changed between then and now is my understanding of both self-injury and BDSM as potentially healing experiences as well as potentially destructive ones and, this is important, that they can be both those things in different ways at the same time. Further, an experience that someone (like me) once characterized as desirable can later feel traumatizing, and vice versa. Discourses that do not provide space for such after-the-fact evaluations are flawed.
I do think there is a substantive difference between “inflicting pain on oneself in nonsexual situations of emotional distress” and “playing with pain in the context of kink,” but I don’t think that the substance of this difference is a distinction between BDSM and self-harm. Rather, the distinction is between a sexualized context and a non-erotic one. In other words, I disagree with the premise of the question. The assertion “BDSM is self-harm” is not one I consider a nuanced kink-critical argument. (It may in fact be an argument “kink-critical” bloggers are making, but I think their analysis is banal.)
The temptation to explain an experience by pathologizing it is strong because it’s simple. For instance, “BDSM is wrong because it inflicts injury, and injury is wrong Because Magic, therefore BDSM is wrong.” Or, “self-harm is wrong because Mental Illness, and Mental Illness is bad Because Pathology, therefore self-harm is wrong.” Worse than being boring, this way of thinking does little to nothing to actually support people suffering from what their pathology-fetishist doctors call “mental illnesses,” nor does it do anything to preempt the cycle of abusive cultural indoctrinations that make our environments such ripe breeding grounds for the very behaviors we later pathologize.
Instead, it’s more useful to look at the makeup of an experience itself. What BDSM and SI both have in common are these three core characteristics:
- Trauma: Does the act trigger (and/or is it a response to) either a physically or emotionally traumatic experience?
- Eroticization: Is the act sexualized or not?
- Source: Is the act taken by the self or by another person?
These three characteristics can be combined in every possible way. For example, one could experience a non-traumagenic and non-sexual injury caused by oneself, such as certain First Aid techniques, e.g., re-opening a wound to remove a splinter. Or one could experience a sexual and non-traumatic act involving someone else, which is what most people would agree “healthy consensual sex” is supposed to be.
But one can also self-inflict a traumatic sexual experience, such as through maturbatory psychosexual self-harm.
What kink critical arguments against BDSM are saying is not “this is bad because it’s injurious,” or at least, I argue, they should not be saying that. What they are saying is, “it is an artifact of rape culture that many people’s sexual desires are infused with coercive characteristics.”
This is not a value judgement. Nowhere in that sentence are we saying that “BDSM is bad.” Hell, nowhere in that sentence are we even saying RAPE is bad. All we’re saying is that it should come as no surprise that rape fantasies are common in a hegemonic cultural context that eroticizes rape.
Two common reactions to this very obvious point are embodied by opposing schools of feminist thought, commonly dubbed “radical feminist” (radfem) on the one hand and “sex-positive” on the other. The radfems claim that rape culture creates a “false consciousness,” which means that if you appear to be choosing violation, you must not be authentically choosing. In other words, you have been brainwashed or are being threatened into giving permission. In contrast, the sex-positive (or “liberal feminist”) argument says that if you appear to be choosing violation or (psychosexual) injury, it must not actually be violation/injury. In other words, what might look like rape or violence is actually something else entirely (it’s only a “performance” of violence), if you’ve given permission for it.
I, personally, diverge from both of the positions I just described above.
I disagree with the radfem argument because I believe that it is not merely possible but sometimes life-savingly appropriate to intentionally and with full knowledge choose to have your consent violated. Everyone has had at least one situation in which they had to choose between the lesser of two evils. This job I hate, or that job which pays shit? Have sex with him even though I don’t really want to, or deal with his entitled ass if I refuse? Nevertheless, it is delusional to insist that making such a choice is not actually a choice.
But I also disagree with the sex-positive position because I do not believe that the act of making a fully informed choice somehow magically negates any possible injurious outcome of that choice. You don’t get to tell me that it wasn’t rape because I said yes at the time when the only options I were given were constrained by a coercive environment. And trying to make me believe it was my fault for choosing the lesser of two evils is abusive.
So, in other words, kink critical arguments aren’t (or shouldn’t) be trying to tell you, personally, what trauma you have or have not experienced. Nor should they be trying to convince you what you should or shouldn’t choose to experience in the first place. What they should be doing is pointing out that the BDSM’er rhetoric of “consent” is nothing other than Magical Thinking. It’s snake oil. You can buy it if you want. But chances are it’s the sort of thing you’d want to know more about before you bought it.
Almost everyone—including myself—finds coercive cultural tropes sexy. Even hardcore anti-kink radical feminists think “rape play” can be hot. So despite the propagandistic insistence from BDSM community leaders to the contrary, your personal rape fantasy doesn’t bother us.
What bothers us—and by “us” I mean people of every political persuasion, from dyed-in-the-wool hardcore kinksters who have personal sex blogs chronicling an almost 10 year immersion in the BDSM Scene as self-identified Submissives, such as myself, all the way through to religious right anti-porn lobbyists who want to see BDSM criminalization harshly enforced—what we have a problem with is rhetoric and practice that presents things like “consensual nonconsent” as “healthy, happy kinks, easily practiced safely with sanity” as though you can just walk down to your corner drug store and pick up a “rape play kit” like it’s some fucking over the counter aphrodisiac.
We’re not trying to take away your sexy-fun-time playing rapist and rape victim. We’re telling you that mainstreaming a subculture whose premise is “rape play is uncomplicated because it’s everywhere” is an obscenely irresponsible thing to do in the context of existing rape culture.
Everyone, literally everyone, knows that. Only BDSM’ers object to it.
maymay, who definitely does not know anything about the BDSM community (via maymay)Anonymous asked: Will you explain the consensual non consent one?
dorkilydominant-deactivated2015:
In short, rape play.
CNC is an oxymoronic umbrella term for role play scenarios where the submissive is forced or coerced into doing something that they pretend to not want to do.
Aside from the obvious kidnapping/rape play scenes, included in this category may be teacher/student, boss/secretary, helpless housewife, or other social roles associated with a Dominant and submissive relationship. The key to making these fall under CNC play is the perceived use of power or coercion by the Dominant to acquire power over the submissive within the scene. For example: the “Boss” role threatens the secretary with firing unless the secretary does X, or the Teacher threatens the student with academic destruction unless … fill in your personal blanks.
The key phrase here is consent. Actually using a position of power to coerce someone into sex without their desire is rape. The scene should be heavily planned, discussed, and tailored to your mutual wants and limits beforehand, with aftercare included and predetermined safewords.
In the rape fantasy stories I have written on this blog, and elsewhere, I make every attempt to make it glaringly obvious that the scene is consensual and that the submissive is actually thoroughly enjoying themselves beneath their feigned protests. I don’t want to make someone think I am condoning an act of sexual assault, and using what I had written to justify one of the worst crimes imaginable.
CNC is a healthy, happy kink, and easily practiced safely with sanity.
“CNC is a healthy, happy kink, and easily practiced safely with sanity.”
Can I get that on a t-shirt?
Just to be clear, again, in case I haven’t already beaten this dead horse (consensually) enough:
I find rape play fucking hot. Consensual non-consent is one of my favorite things. I don’t do it very often, because it’s complicated and I have trauma — which is also part of the reason I find it hot. But it’s not rape play itself that I inherently object to. What I find reprehensible and irresponsible is describing rape play as a “happy healthy kink” that is easily practiced safely.
Yes. Exactly. Coercive tropes are sexy, for pretty much everyone everywhere forever.
What’s not sexy isBDSM’er rhetoric like this that presents consensual nonconsent as a “healthy, happy kink, easily practiced safely with sanity” as though you can just walk down to your corner Wallgreen’s and pick up a “rape play kit” like some fucking over the counter aphrodisiac.
And as if that wasn’t bad enough, this douche turd Dominant has the audacity to describe, in relative detail, a bunch of intense and common real life scenarios for playing with consensual nonconsent in response to a question from an apparent total newbie with nary a shred of detail about how to make sure the operative component of said play is actually consensual, rather than not. And he does this ON THE PUBLIC INTERNET.
That’s like spreading out a bunch of bomb making materials in a busy public square and then being shocked—shocked!—that a bunch of people who have bomb injuries flip out and tell him to be more fucking careful.
Anonymous asked: Have you seen the Douchey Dom meme yet?
I have not.
23 Rules in total (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ♡
- Daddy knows best. His word is law. When Daddy says jump, you say “How high, Daddy?” If you disobey his commands, you will be punished as he sees fit.
- Daddy wants his Kitten to…
This post confuses me, and here is how…
Original post is actually part of the framework for the rules Angel has. What we based ours on, and then altered to fit our needs. So shock one came from the reaction of seeing them again (i figured they were buried in Tumblrpostville). The next shock came from someone being shocked by them, which is not shocking considering how easily shocked most people are at the shocking reality of the lifestyle. (Damn, tried to work shock in one more time, but couldnt get it to be coherent).
THEN i got curious and checked out me/them’s blog… This post was the first to show, so disrespectful and judgemental, then the very next post is about how a woman ‘is more or less shunned by the LGBT community once marrying a guy’ is wrong and they should get the same support they got as a homosexual. (One of the few things i agree with on their blog)
Double standards at work. Expect understanding and equality for one ‘different’ lifestyle, while demeaning and degrading another ‘different’ lifestyle.
Their blog was full of bdsm bashing material. And you know what? I love that it is. I do not in any way agree with it, but I love that they are able to share their outlooks, lifestyles, and such so freely. I chose to leave their blog page, not because overall they sickened me with their hypocritical postings, but because their outlook is exactly that. Theirs. Not mine. Not Angels. Theirs. So thats how i chose to leave it.
To be clear, I’m not anti-kink. I’m very kinky myself and, from the looks of your Tumblr, I’m significantly kinkier than you. (Shocking!) I don’t have a problem with BDSM. I have a problem with people like you who do BDSM in abusive ways.
I’m sure, once you figure out that I’m not actually a “BDSM-bashing” sex-hating radical feminist, but rather another kinkster, you’re going to throw some “Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is OK” bullshit in my face. The thing to remember is that YKINMKBYKIOK originally came about to protect diversity in kink and participation by people whose fetishes were marginalized — not as a Get Out of Jail Free card for common predators and abusive, pedophilic, wannabe-rapists like you.
The “shocking reality of the lifestyle” is that it’s legitimately abusive. I don’t usually want to believe people like you exist, but then I see blog posts like this, and I have to deal with the reality that you are out there. Yes, it really is shocking that anyone is self-involved enough to believe “consent” magically erases the potential damage you’re doing to someone you claim to love. Furthermore, you and your partner mocking the trauma of sexually-abused children and using it for masturbation material is shocking and it should be. As one of the kinkiest and most sexually-open people you’ll probably ever encounter on the Internet, I am here to tell you that kink is absolutely not okay.
Furthermore, how dare you compare “the BDSM lifestyle” to being queer? Queerness is not a “different lifestyle” or “alternative relationship choice” — and your incest fetish is not a “sexual orientation.” But thanks so much for your “tolerant” comments; that’s very big of you.
Happy Freedom Day.
Just the simple fact that you yourself just announced a very un-educated, biased, stereotypical generalization of a lifestyle that people enjoy, shows the narrow mindedness and lack of knowledge and/or research that causes that stereotyping.
Ah, I’m “uneducated” about BDSM. That must be it.
Lol.
You have no idea who I am, do you?
You might consider doing some of your own research.
Any sexual act can be generalized as ‘not ok’. You smack your partners ass? To some, that is crossing a line, and therefore, not ok. You allow your partner to perform oral sex on you? To some that is not ok. You or your partner enjoy anal? To some that is not ok. You have sex in a position other than missionary? To some that is not ok. What is good for some, is not ok for others. What is ‘normal’ for some is completely beyond kinky to others.
That’s definitionally true about all kinks, yes. But kink is not the same thing as BDSM. (Try actually reading the link before responding, rather than just talking out your ass.)
What you and Angel are doing is BDSM: You’re two are not only eroticizing the sexual abuse of children, but you’re getting off on the act of trivializing and sexualizing those children’s abuse. You’re doing it right now, in this post, when you tell me without an an ounce of self-awareness or shame that a critique of eroticized child abuse “is just, like, your opinion man!”What’s wrong with BDSM isn’t that it “crosses a line.” It’s that BDSM is an abusive corruption of natural human kinky desire. BDSM is philosophically rotten at the core.
What it boils down to is this… What you do or dont do in the bedroom is none of my concern, and vice versa.
This is true right up until the point that what you’re doing in your bedroom — or your kitchen, or your office, or the public street, or the Internet — is abusive. Then it becomes my concern and the concern of everybody else in your community. That’s why I’m signalboosting your behavior in a way that makes it more publicly visible.
If i want to respond to this with one hand, while using a 6’ whip on Angel with the other, I will.
Where did you get the idea that it’s appropriate for you to talk to me as if I’m a submissive in a scene?
Your opinion is just that, an opinion, just like mine. If we put both of them together, shined them up real pretty, and added $1.49 to it, we could share a 20oz Mt Dew.
“Saying ‘it’s my opinion’ is meaningless. It adds nothing to a conversation. It isn’t an argument, it isn’t a justification. It isn’t even a grunt of acknowledgement that the other person has said something. It’s less than all of those. What ‘it’s my opinion’ says is this: I can’t be bothered coming up with a reason why I think the way that I do. In addition, I can’t be bothered listening to a word you’re saying to me. If you’ve put effort into communicating with me, you really needn’t have bothered. I have this thing called an ‘opinion’. I’m too lazy to have it challenged or contemplate the possibility that it isn’t correct.“ — Aiofe O’Riordan
"Parents sexually abusing their children is soooo hot, dude! That’s my opinion!”
Is that seriously all you have to say for yourself?
Now, run along and play with someone else that you can get the rise and reaction out of that you seem to so desperately be seeking.
Don’t patronize me. First, it’s trite. Secondly, I have not consented to being “Dominated” by you, so you talking to me in the head-patting “good little girl” way you would talk to a submissive in a scene is a violation of SSC. (Please tell me you’re at least familiar with SSC?)
That’s a pretty good indication, though, of the fact that you don’t know how to differentiate between activities that are okay in the bedroom and ways that are appropriate to treat people in everyday life. Nerdy gamers like me call this “character bleed” and you’ve got a gusher, Mr. Domly McDomly Pants.
Seeing as a) you’re not interested in investigating your fetishes beyond asserting “CONSENT IS MAGIC! I DO WUT I WANT!”, b) you’ve illustrated that you can’t distinguish between fetish time and real life, and c) that your fetish is child abuse, I hope your friends know to well enough to keep their kids away from you.
P.S. You might wonder why I’ve continued tear into you, a random bystander, but have at this point left wolf-and-kitten (the OP) more-or-less alone. The answer is simple and probably obvious to anybody other than you:
Wolf-and-kitten responded to a critique of their situation by getting pissed off, yes, just like any normal person would. But then they sat down and thought about what had been said, about whether their actions were truly representative of the people they want to be and the relationship they want to have. And then they updated their followers with the outcome of that conversation and were honest with their followers about having made a mistake.
The conclusions they came to aren’t the ones I would’ve come to, personally, nor ones I would advocate. But I’m still not on their case about it because what they did was express even a shred of humility, fallibility, and willingness to consider the possibility that the way they were playing was potentially harmful or setting a bad example for other people who look up to them. That’s all I’m asking for from BDSMers. Even a tiny, itsy bitsy crumb of critical self-awareness is enough to leave me feeling hopeful.
You, on the other hand, can’t even meet that low bar. You have responded to critique of your situation with nothing but a wall of self-righteous defensiveness followed by waving your…whip around and bellowing about the sanctity of “your opinion.” And, best of all, acting like your unwillingness to face yourself and your culture in the mirror makes you the “more informed” and morally superior party.
You, sir, are the Douchey Dom.
What I’m hearing from daddys-journey is this:
