Male Submission Art

A young man reclines on a couch in the sunlight, smoking a cigarette. He is naked except for wearing heavy leather boots, a padlocked leather cuff on his right wrist, a collar with an O-ring, and a cockring at the base of his semi-erect penis.

I’ve been enamored with this arresting photograph for some time. From the markers of a collar and especially the single leather cuff around this man’s right wrist, it’s clear that he’s presenting as a submissive or a bottom. And yet everything about his body language speaks of an assertive, willful presence. His pointed gaze is insistent, bordering on demanding, and his unabashedly open pose screams shamelessness. After all this, I find the addition of a cigarette almost too much, as though the photographer didn’t trust the viewer to recognize the playful “bad boy” tone without it. Nevertheless, I think this picture is gorgeous.

It’s also particularly incisive because pairing submissive signals with such an imposing presence is rarely seen and even less often understood. The idea that submissive people (of any gender) can and should assert themselves in their submissiveness is, infuriatingly, heretical in both heteronormative and alternative communities. The idea of a submissive person as purely passive, or receptive—as, in the case of men, “womanly” and “less-than”—so thoroughly overwhelms hegemonic society that those of us who are submissively-inclined struggle to claim satisfaction in the face of our own desire for unfairness.

Recently, Thumper wrote a must-read blog post highlighting his struggle with this situation:

I was suddenly struck by something very profound. Something I’ve danced around and paid lip-service, but have not really owned up to. Something that has, oddly enough, left me somewhat shaken.

I am submissive.

Seriously, I know. Isn’t that ridiculous? Like, it says that right up there in the blog description. “Submissively inclined.” I’ve known this. But no. It’s different now. I’m not submissively inclined. I am submissive, period.

Considering the hegemonic masculine ideal as dominant, I posit that personal realizations of this sort are more difficult for submissive men than for women. By way of explanation, Thumper continues:

I admit to carrying around a prejudice against submissive males. […] It’s like I’m the white supremacist who just discovered the black grandmother he never knew about or the uber-masculine father of 12 who suddenly figured out he was gay. This is all horrible and all nasty and sad and not anything I’m happy about, but I see now that I’ve never fully embraced my submissive nature because I don’t especially like the archetype as it exists in our culture. In fact, there is no archetype. No role model. Nothing positive to look towards. Just layer after layer of stereotype and ridicule and cultural indifference. And now I know I’m one of them.

Submissiveness, and especially submissive men, are depicted as so undesirable by so much of contemporary culture that it’s no wonder “submissively-inclined” men like Thumper (and me, for a long time) refused to own the label. Moreover, common perception of what it means is hampered:

I’m very self-centered. […] You can’t be a self-centered submissive, right? That’s not actually possible, right?

Of course it is. There’s a distinction between self-centeredness and submissiveness; they’re apples and oranges! You can be a self-centered donor to charity, for example, because you get tax deductibles. Being submissive has nothing inherently to do with selfless service, an oft-cited misconception. Both dominance and submissiveness is entirely about satisfying one’s own sexual desires, just like any other sexual orientation or inclination. Submissive or not, we all deserve to have what we want.

-maymay

Update: Several people have written to me questioning whether or not this picture is entirely real. Closer examination shows that the model is wearing a left boot on his right foot. That’s disappointing, and it seems all of the leather accessories are Photoshopped. Everything I wrote regarding submissiveness, however, still stands.

derekisme:

strange get up … but very sexy boy

A blindfolded man cuffed to a bedrail lays motionless, his lips parted in anticipation.

This picture is the one used by Wikipedia’s article on male submission. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before, but I really like it. I can feel a certain empathy with the model because his slightly parted mouth and his tense hands betray his excitement.

Having not actually seen the Wikipedia article about “male submission” before, I eagerly read through the short page but was disappointed to find that it was written in much the same One True Way® tone that most of the depressingly “pathetic” blogosphere uses for the topic of submissive masculinity. Although a valiant attempt, the article discussed “levels” of male submission and needlessly focused on activities and negative gender stereotypes such as “sissification.” So, of course, I made some edits to improve the article.

The 30 minutes or so that I spent revising the article may seem like too much wasted effort to some people at the same time that it may seem like too little effort to others. This observation highlights a beautiful thing: the freedom to define personal value. I spent exactly the time and effort I wanted to spend on the work—no more and no less—and therefore contributed and acquired exactly the value I wanted from the experience.

For me, 2009 was a year of massive personal upheaval, as though a wildfire swept through my life and left me fresh and raw. It hurt, but like all natural processes, it also provided an incredible opportunity for rejuvenation. Our lives, like Wikipedia pages, are instantly editable in whatever way we want, whenever we want, and have far-reaching impacts we can’t always see instantly. Now, imagine what kind of world we would inhabit in 2010 if you, your friends, and all the people who look up to you understood that their opportunities today, like mine, are greater than they’ve ever been before.

-maymay

On a bed, a blindfolded man is gently bitten on the lips by a woman who has slipped her hand underneath his unzipped jeans. Bright red lipstick marks line the man’s torso.

This picture caught my eye because the evidence of what came before is wonderfully obvious. Kissing is excellent foreplay, and the positions of the models, now necessarily different than when she kissed him, pulls me into thinking about what they’ll do next. I also love the playful smile glimmering on the woman’s lips and the open-palmed, relaxed position of the man’s arms and hands above his head.

Despite the penchant many people think a submissive guy like me would have for only somewhat more intense sex, I genuinely like calmer and more comfortable encounters, as well. This shouldn’t really be a surprise, since sex can be deeply emotional. Just as I enjoy being penetrated, I enjoy penetrating as well.

It’s unfortunate that so many people are eager to limit and restrict what you may find enjoyable merely by telling you that you “shouldn’t.” Please think about that as you give and receive gifts this holiday season. Everyone needs and deserves the freedom to want what they want to want.

-maymay

ireensarrows:

apocalips:derekisme:(via secondstar05)

A smiling man wearing only close-fitting underwear pulls an arm-length glove off the hands of a woman seated near him.

I love this fun picture! It was suggested by Wendy Blackheart, who wrote:

I like the playful tug of war that seems to be going on with her gloves. At the edge of the photo, you can see the girl laughing, and the boy seems to enjoy it as well.

I find that when I’m truly having fun, I rarely think about what’s just happened or what’s to come next, and that’s the impression I get from this photograph. It’s kind of wonderful that there are no clues as to whether these models’ playtime is just beginning or if it’s coming to a close. The part of this image that provides the most insight, to me, is the fact that the man is wearing leather cuffs, but only his left wrist is buckled into the restraint while the other buckle dangles loosely at his side; they’re letting the toys be just toys.

The fact that both models are obviously having a good time makes it easy to engage with the activity—whatever it is—depicted here. It’s in our nature to enjoy seeing other people happy and, despite the misguided pathologizing beliefs many folks hold about sadomasochists, this basic principle of human empathy is no different for us than for people who like to fuck differently. Indeed, if you’re not enjoying yourself, then it’s probably time to go find something else you will enjoy.

Sex, just like the rest of life, is supposed to be fun. If it’s not, then it’s up to you to make it fun. Not only are you missing out on great sex if you don’t, you’re not doing your sex partner any favors by pretending to be enjoying yourself when you’re not.

-maymay

wendyblackheart:

bendmeover:

chagrin:Photo by Valeria Lazareva

A man bites down on a staff while another pokes his skimpily covered genitals. Bound with his arms behind his back in a Japanese-style chest harness, his skin shows obvious signs of welting.

Masochistic desires are some of the hardest to depict accurately because the artists walk a line so close to false victimization. While subjective, many distinctions for me can be found in a bottom’s posture and pose, not their face. The man’s open legs and curled toes in this drawing are instant indicators that maybe he’s actually enjoying himself.

Sadly, rather than being considered legitimate, desires like masochism and submission have been pathologized by the simplistic view that pain is always bad and a loss of control is intrinsically weakening. The medicalization of this misguided belief began in 1886 when Austrian psychiatrist Krafft-Ebbing set the stage using words like “violence” in his influential work, Psychopathia Sexualis. He also segregated masochism and sadism into “active” and “passive” roles, terminology still widely used today:

The perfect counterpart of masochism is sadism. While in the former there is a desire to suffer and be subjected to violence, in the latter the wish is to inflict pain and use violence. The parallelism is perfect. All the acts and situations used by the sadist in the active role become the object of the desire of the masochist in the passive role.

I find this language flawed to the point of adulteration. BDSM relationships may be violent, but they do not embody violence. In disavowing the legitimate pleasure that is often found in pain (whether sexual or not), it casts focus away from a complex reality and onto a false dichotomy of violator and violated inappropriately imbued with a repressive morality. As Ranat explains, not even the addition of consent can fully reform this worldview:

Consent is a factor, not to be trivialized, but is not the defining factor.

[To] declare consent the defining factor between abuse and BDSM relationships is to say that abuse is the exact same thing as dominance, submission, bondage and sadomasochism, only without consent. And it is to say the reverse: That BDSM is the exact same thing as abuse, only with consent.

And it’s not. […] That the logistics of giving and obeying an order, of binding and being bound, of an object hitting flesh might superficially resemble each other, is irrelevant.

Despite the fact that earlier works such as the Kama Sutra contained references to “consensual erotic slapping”, Krafft-Ebbing’s writing encouraged generations to shame people with masochistic or sadistic desires into silence and, consequently, isolation. Pain is not so dissimilar from pleasure and a notion of letting go of one’s own control is a critical component of rejuvenating, healing experiences for many people in countless circumstances.

-maymay

derekisme:

japanese (homo)erotic, and s & m, art

Laying on his stomach on a tiled stone floor, a naked man bends his leg at the knee and points his toes to show off a black and chrome-plated ankle cuff.

This fantastically sexy photograph was suggested by heartbreaknympho. I’m enthralled by how much emotive intent is evident in the image without any of the obvious signals. Even though there are no facial expressions or detailed scenery to give us insight into what might be going on or how this man feels, the picture is unmistakably playful and lighthearted.

The model, with his relaxed thighs and pointed toes, feels very lively, frisky, maybe even impish to me. He’s flirting, but he’s doing it by being the attractor instead of the attracted. It’s transgressive for men to behave this way because contemporary culture polices masculinity according, in part, to the pursuer-pursued paradigm of sexual attraction. Coquettish men automatically empower women to be desirous, which is the reciprocal social taboo.

Finally, add sexual submissiveness into the mix and the hegemonic masculine “roles” come full circle in an oppressive, reifying way: the only widespread cultural scripts most submissive men have to guide them are that of the “worthless worm” or the “chivalrous knight.” Why these two? Because if he chooses “worthless worm,” then he is by definition unable to be desired since there’s nothing of value in him for a woman to want. If, on the other hand, he chooses “chivalrous knight,” then he is by definition the desirous partner attempting to “win the heart of his princess.”

Little wonder I feel the need for a new cultural script of submissive masculinity. I’m so over this sexism.

-maymay

A young man is blindfolded with a thick leather belt. He holds his arms, which are bound in electrical cord, up near his head.

This photograph was suggested by Aching Blossom, and I have to agree that the most distinct part of the image is the model’s lips:

[My] favorite part of this image is the vulnerable look on his face, and the mouth especially. But notice how he’s bound with what looks like an electrical cord and they obviously tried this more than once, and tightly, because he’s got impressions in his skin where the cord used to be. So despite the improvisational wrist binding and belt-blindfold, there’s a real passion going on in this scene that’s reflected in the model’s face.

For those who eroticize power, as I do, the fact that vulnerability is sexy is viscerally understandable. That’s a part of what I find so hot about pervertible toys like belts used for bondage or neckties used as blindfolds; they bring to mind a certain authenticity that can feel like being given a welcome treat or heighten the feeling of being controlled by highlighting the whims of a lover.

Utilizing everyday objects for sexual purposes is very common and I find that it can be just as much fun as “gearing up” with specialty sex toys or specific fetish equipment. Yet, for the reasons Margot Weiss, Ph.D., elucidates in her research paper, Mainstreaming Kink: The Politics of BDSM Representation in U.S. Popular Media, marketers have tapped into the allure and exoticism of SM sexuality to sell an ever-widening array of products creating an overwhelming pressure to purchase and consistently keeping “real BDSM”—itself a mirage conjured by consumer culture—available only to the socioeconomically privileged:

There is no question that mainstream representations of BDSM have increased dramatically, spreading further and further into popular culture. Instead of challenging systems of sexual privilege and power, mainstream representations of SM (both normalizing and pathologizing) reinforce the normativity of the distanced viewing subject.

[…]

As SM becomes more mainstream, the desire for something real, raw, and hard grows. This desire is elusive; it reveals itself when viewers are left feeling hollow and empty, disappointed that they were not sufficiently shocked or turned on (or, ideally, both).

[…]

Using the language of disappointment, they are protesting the failure of transgression, decrying the ways sexual strangeness is disciplined out of existence.

The sex appeal and sexuality you saw on the TV, in that magazine, and in the window display today are a marketer’s snake oil. This holiday season, remember that the best things in life are free.

-maymay

achingblossom:

Oh that mouth…

thebinder:

just beautiful

sexual:

via fc07.deviantart.net

Bent over and bound to a padded board, a man moans loudly as he is vigorously fucked with a strap-on by a woman holding onto his shoulders.

Penetrating a vagina with a penis is often the only act considered “real sex,” but this elementary view of intimate encounters leaves much to be desired—literally! For many men, receptive anal sex and prostate stimulation is incredibly pleasurable, and so in recent years the ubiquity and variety of the prostate massager has (finally!) begun to rival that of the cock ring. Even beyond that, however, thinking of sex as solely genital penetration excludes many other activities, including some like french kissing (which is also penetrative, technically speaking), from consideration. Why be so adamant about missing out on more kinds of sex?

Since penetration is so often perceived as a gendered act (men penetrate while women are penetrated), and since one’s gender is culturally imbued with having or lacking power, penetrating is often unnecessarily coupled with dominance, while being penetrated is mistakenly coupled with submission. But it isn’t even close to always being that way.

Although many submissive men, myself included, enjoy getting fucked, many dominant men also enjoy getting it up the butt. You can imbue a penetrative act with dominance if you want to, but don’t misconstrue it as though it were some kind of intrinsically dominant behavior. That’s the same mistake as assuming giving head is inherently submissive. It’s not.

-maymay

kiltie:

derekisme:

ouch! … a bit of a role reversal here

I do hope she spanked him before she raped him

A very fit, shirtless young man blindfolds himself as he stands facing the camera.

This wonderful photograph is from sairex90’s Deviant Art page and was sent in by Suraya, who says:

I love the flirtiness of the pose and the way the pose and the lighting show off his body. I also love that he’s blindfolding himself, and the slight smile. He seems so inviting, and in being so, seems to willing put the power in the my hands, as the viewer.

I’m intrigued by the title of the picture, Blindfold Brawler. The model is evidently strong and even powerful. Although these are two characteristics often associated solely with dominance, both are present in submission as well.

It is in no way a paradox for a sexually submissive person to have and exert certain powers. Understanding the subtleties of power is crucial not merely for a successful D/s relationship, but for safety in daily life as well.

-maymay