PSA of the day.
Are you fucking kidding . This is so disgusting
wtf is this sociopathic trash.
look at this piece of shit post. i hope the people who reblogged it uncritically get the shits for days man
THIS IS RAPE CULTURE. BDSM IS ABUSE.
It’s scary that so many people reblogged this without criticism. This is how normalized violence against women is in our culture.
what the actual fuck
THERE’S NO SAFE WAY TO DO BREATH PLAY THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY TO DO BREATH PLAY SAFELY THERE IS NOT THERE IS NOT
but if a persons kink doesn’t hurt anybody and if both/all parties are down, isn’t a post about being safe in this situation a good thing?
If it’s a kink and you have a safeword and you and your partner listen to the safeword and are comfortable with doing breathplay then it’s fine. As long as you’re both careful and safe about it.
There is literally no such thing as safe breathplay.
Consent doesn’t mean you won’t get arrested for manslaughter if your play partner dies of a cardiac arrest.
Oh, lemme guess: you didn’t know that breathplay can cause a silent cardiac arrest in even the healthiest individual up to 45 minutes after play? And I’ll guess you didn’t know that a fractured hyoid bone—typical to strangulation or choking—is a life-threatening medical emergency?
Or that even three minutes of hypoxia can cause anoxic brain damage, which is cumulative and irreparable?
There is NO SUCH THING as safe breathplay and it is irresponsible in the extreme to suggest there is.
This is an excellent example of how ‘everything is fine between two concenting adults’ is sometimes just NOT TRUE. Safe breath play does not exist. And unless your kink is dying of brain damage of a blood clot some time after a play that ‘seemed to go well’, DO NOT DO IT.
And ya know, stop unquestioningly believing what the BDSM world tells you. Stop believing that acts like this can be done safely but also stop believing that rape and abusive relationships don’t exist in the BDSM scene and that you should ignore the warning signs of abuse. Stop believing that a ‘sub’ who is not allowed to speak to others without permission is in a healthy relationship. Stop believing that people who complain about sexism or racism in play are just ‘kink shaming’. Stop believing that someone who reports having their consent violated just wasn’t clear enough about their safe words or ‘it’s probably all a big misunderstanding’. Stop believing that ‘privacy’ should include not naming rapists.
Step back and really think about what is safe, what is ethical and what is rape culture and abuse.
I don’t get it. If it’s okay to hold your breath why wouldn’t it be okay to have someone else hold your breath? I like having that done to me. I don’t ever do it for more than two minutes, usually more like 45 seconds. How could that be a health problem? Is there some kind of documentation?
I was talking to Maymay about this last night and I believe their exact words were, “Whether or not breath play can be done safely is, like, a BDSM intracommunity blood feud.” Apparently, some people think there are safe ways to do it, and other people think those people are insane.
The person who taught me how to do it said the trick is to hold your own breath at the same time you’re holding theirs, so that you make sure to let them breathe before you start getting lightheaded yourself. (She also used a pinching-the-nose-and-mouth-closed method, not a strangulation method.) That doesn’t seem fool-proof; different people have different lung capacities, and it doesn’t solve the issues of dangerous follow-up effects. But it made sense to me as a general rule. (And of course, I just trusted her because I saw her as a “Real Dom” and thus an “expert.”) That being said, I still don’t do it, because it makes me nervous. And because it’s not really my kink.
One major thing the OPs seemed to be pointing out is that the position depicted in the image — cutting someone’s air supply off by choking them — is never safe because of the fragility of the hyoid bone. The hyoid is a tiny, floating bone in the front of your throat that helps support your trachea as well as anchoring some of your tongue movements. It is often crushed when someone is choked or strangled. In massage school they taught us never to work in that area without very specific technical training, because the hyoid is an “endangerment zone.” Accidentally putting pressure on it has the potential to cause serious injury. So, yes, even though I could maybe countenance breath play in other ways, I would never consider it “safe” to do it the way it’s depicted in that image.
That doesn’t mean nobody should do it, or course. Risk-tolerance is a personal decision. It’s possible to have barrier-free sex with an HIV+ person and not contract HIV, and there might be lots of good reasons to choose to do so in certain situations. But it’d be pretty irresponsible to explain that to people by telling them barrier-free sex is no big deal and you probably won’t get HIV anyway as long as you wash your dick afterwards. Consent isn’t consent unless it’s informed. Lots of people in the Scene (and out of it) are probably agreeing to breath play without being meaningfully informed about the potential side-effects. That’s a problem.
And it’s a problem with a lot of other stuff, also, such as people agreeing to enter full-time intimate “power exchange” relationships explicitly grounded in abuse dynamics, without being informed about the potential for acquiring PTSD even from activities they consented to. Again, I’m not saying nobody should ever choose to take that risk. For some people, long-term PTSD might be a price they’re willing to pay for a kind of intimacy that’s really important to them. I seriously empathize with that. But I’m saying people deserve to know what they’re signing up for. And the BDSM Scene is in the business of obfuscating the terms of their contracts.
Really great stuff here.