Male Submission Art

Art and visual erotica that depicts masculine submission.

We showcase beautiful imagery where men and other male-identified people are submissive subjects. We aim to challenge stereotypes of the "pathetic" submissive man. Learn more….

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Thu Jul 3

Only in a D/s relationship

douchey-dominant:

wolf-and-kitten:

…can you insist that your girlfriend give you the login info to her private account on sites like Fetlife and tumblr, and it’s not only considered okay, but she loves it.

STUDIOUSLY READS YOUR SCENE REPORTS … AND YOUR EMAIL AND TXT MESSAGES AND IM CHATS AND OKCUPID MESSAGES

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dorkisaslur-deactivated20140510 said: What's your opinion on soft bdsm or kinky vanilla sex (such as light bondage and just pegging)

maymay:

unquietpirate:

douchey-dominant:

kinksterbullshit:

I guess there’s got to be a word for it, like maybe a fetish vs. a kink though they’ve become synonymous (if any follower has a better way to put this please feel free). Someone once said “Lick as many toes as you want or whatever.” That to me is more like a “vanilla” preference that may be unusual but not abusive - unless of course the individual who has the thing for feet makes his or her partner uncomfortable with constant urging to participate despite protestations. One of the main problems I have with “kink” or BDSM is the fact that though “safe, sane and consensual” is the “motto” there really is little respect for boundaries. The dialog becomes “But just try it,” “You’ll learn to like it,” or “you should want to make me happy!” That’s coercion, not consent. That all being said, if you like certain textures like feathers or leather, or some other non-abusive tendency that both partners are truly comfortable with, it really is entirely different.

Pegging? If that’s what you’re into and it’s not an act of violence, ok. It’s not like anal sex or dildos/vibrators are exclusive to the S&M community. Light bondage is a slippery slope. Velvet handcuffs or whatever? It still has the connotations of power dynamics that are the basis of how problematic BDSM is.

 - Sharon

image

See? Even “anti-kink” radfems in all their obtuseness grok that there’s a difference between fetishy sex and BDSM.

The only people who claim that BDSM is synonymous with kinky sex are rape-apologist BDSMers who have a vested interest in convincing you that you’re just like them

Also, the Douchey Dom now has a blog. ;)

OMG and he also has a FetLife profile.

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maymay:

I’m starting to think Douchey Dom is also the perfect way to explain rape culture to BDSM’ers:

"I’VE ALWAYS BEEN KINKY." … TREATED GIRLFRIENDS LIKE SUBMISSIVES SINCE BEFORE HE HEARD OF BDSM

maymay:

I’m starting to think Douchey Dom is also the perfect way to explain rape culture to BDSM’ers:

"I’VE ALWAYS BEEN KINKY." … TREATED GIRLFRIENDS LIKE SUBMISSIVES SINCE BEFORE HE HEARD OF BDSM

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Anonymous said: Can you please tag the douchey dom meme? Some of it is really triggering.

maymay:

notfuckingcishet:

sure, no problem. 

I’m quite forgetful about adding trigger warnings though so I may fuck up once or twice, sorry. 

What I am starting to really enjoy about the Douchey Dom meme and how people have been adding to it is that it seems to exist in the uncanny valley between “BDSM is hawt” and “wait no seriously stop fetishizing rape apologism.”

Best I can hope for with Douchey Dom is that continuing to spotlight that uncanny valley will get people to realize just how central rape apologism is to BDSM.

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maymay:

Welp, it got better. And by better I mean even more douchey. And by douchey I mean familiar.

Douchey Dom meme images in this set:

FEMALE ORGASM DENIAL? HOW’S THAT DIFFERENT FROM VANILLA SEX?

ALWAYS USES PROTECTION … BY MAKING HER SIGN A LEGAL WAIVER

AFTERCARE EXPERT … HAS BEEN TELLING WOMEN THEY ASKED FOR IT SINCE FIRST GIRLFRIEND

RESPECTS SUBMISSIVE MEN … THE SAME WAY HE “RESPECTS” ALL WOMEN

ASK FOR PERMISSION BEFORE YOU CUM … AND ALSO BEFORE YOU HANG WITH FRIENDS OR GO SHOPPING OR EAT OUT OR TALK TO OTHER GUYS

LISTENS INTENTLY TO RAPE ACCUSATION … SO HE CAN MASTURBATE TO IT LATER

INTO CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRLS … HAS ACTUALLY FORCIBLY INSERTED HIMSELF INTO CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRLS

Make your own here: http://memegenerator.net/Douchey-Dom

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Wed Jul 2
maymay:

This is not how BDSM’ers say consent works, but it is how BDSM’ers behave as it does.
Read more:
You Can Take It Back: Consent as a Felt Sense
Explaining “Dominants are rapists” in excruciating detail: a step-by-step walkthrough
Your Kinks Are Not “BDSM”
Pay attention to what they actually do, not what they say that they do. See also, the “Douchey Dom” meme:

Accessible description:
[Image: Screenshot of a computer program’s End User License Agreement that has been altered to read “Kinkster License Agreeement” with the program icon altered to be a BDSM pride flag. Text: “KINKSTER LICENSE AGREEMENT FOR BDSM PLAY (“SCENE”) SINGLE USE LICENSE. PLEASE READ THIS KINKSTER LICENSE AGREEMENT (“LICENSE”) CAREFULLY BEFORE CONSENTING TO ENGAGE IN BDSM PLAY (A “SCENE”). BY ENGAGING IN A SCENE, YOU ARE AGREEING TO BE BOUND BY THE TERMS OF THIS LICENSE. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THE TERMS OF THIS LICENSE, DO NOT ENGAGE IN BDSM PLAY. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THE TERMS OF THE LICENSE, YOU MAY CHALK UP YOUR EXPERIENCES WITH BDSM PLAY SO FAR AS “LESSON LEARNED” FOR A FULL REFUND OF YOUR CONSENT. FOR BDSM PLAY ALREADY EXPERIENCED BUT NO LONGER FEEL OKAY ABOUT, YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO CLAIM ANY VIOLATIONS DUE TO YOUR PRIOR AGREEMENT TO BE BOUND BY THIS LICENSE.]

maymay:

This is not how BDSM’ers say consent works, but it is how BDSM’ers behave as it does.

Read more:

Pay attention to what they actually do, not what they say that they do. See also, the “Douchey Dom” meme:

Douchey Dom: IT WASN'T RAPE … BECAUSE SHE PUT IT IN OUR NEGOTIATION CHECKLIST

Accessible description:

[Image: Screenshot of a computer program’s End User License Agreement that has been altered to read “Kinkster License Agreeement” with the program icon altered to be a BDSM pride flag. Text: “KINKSTER LICENSE AGREEMENT FOR BDSM PLAY (“SCENE”) SINGLE USE LICENSE. PLEASE READ THIS KINKSTER LICENSE AGREEMENT (“LICENSE”) CAREFULLY BEFORE CONSENTING TO ENGAGE IN BDSM PLAY (A “SCENE”). BY ENGAGING IN A SCENE, YOU ARE AGREEING TO BE BOUND BY THE TERMS OF THIS LICENSE. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THE TERMS OF THIS LICENSE, DO NOT ENGAGE IN BDSM PLAY. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THE TERMS OF THE LICENSE, YOU MAY CHALK UP YOUR EXPERIENCES WITH BDSM PLAY SO FAR AS “LESSON LEARNED” FOR A FULL REFUND OF YOUR CONSENT. FOR BDSM PLAY ALREADY EXPERIENCED BUT NO LONGER FEEL OKAY ABOUT, YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO CLAIM ANY VIOLATIONS DUE TO YOUR PRIOR AGREEMENT TO BE BOUND BY THIS LICENSE.]

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maymay:

TL;DR: Whether or not breath play can be done safely is, like, a BDSM intracommunity blood feud. There are a lot of risks that even “experienced breath play experts” don’t even know exist.
But the fact that there are a lot of ignorant “experts” in the BDSM Scene, and even more people who eagerly consent to putting their lives in these self-described expert’s hands (literally!) is not some kind of fluke about breath play, and that dynamic doesn’t only exist in the BDSM Scene.
Rather, it’s a fundamental supporting pillar of rape culture generally ("if it’s a legitimate rape, a woman’s body has ways of shutting that whole thing down", anyone?), which the BDSM Scene knowingly relies on in order to sustain its existence.
The BDSM Scene is in the business of obfuscating the terms of their contracts, relying on the fact that you won’t read the fine print before clicking on the proverbial “I consent” button.
unquietpirate:

vividvioletglow:

notfuckingcishet:

appropriately-inappropriate:

cumberbabeswillrise:

catpal6000:

fuckyeahkinkshaming:

staininyourbrain:

unapologeticradfem:

delicately-interconnected:

pornographicmeatnightmare:

burima:

naazaneen:

jennivudu:

PSA of the day.

Are you fucking kidding . This is so disgusting

wtf is this sociopathic trash. 

look at this piece of shit post. i hope the people who reblogged it uncritically get the shits for days man

THIS IS RAPE CULTURE. BDSM IS ABUSE.

It’s scary that so many people reblogged this without criticism. This is how normalized violence against women is in our culture.

what the actual fuck

AMAZING.
PSA
THERE’S NO SAFE WAY TO DO BREATH PLAY THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY TO DO BREATH PLAY SAFELY THERE IS NOT THERE IS NOT

but if a persons kink doesn’t hurt anybody and if both/all parties are down, isn’t a post about being safe in this situation a good thing?

If it’s a kink and you have a safeword and you and your partner listen to the safeword and are comfortable with doing breathplay then it’s fine. As long as you’re both careful and safe about it.

There is literally no such thing as safe breathplay.
Consent doesn’t mean you won’t get arrested for manslaughter if your play partner dies of a cardiac arrest.
Oh, lemme guess: you didn’t know that breathplay can cause a silent cardiac arrest in even the healthiest individual up to 45 minutes after play? And I’ll guess you didn’t know that a fractured hyoid bone—typical to strangulation or choking—is a life-threatening medical emergency?
Or that even three minutes of hypoxia can cause anoxic brain damage, which is cumulative and irreparable?
There is NO SUCH THING as safe breathplay and it is irresponsible in the extreme to suggest there is.

This is an excellent example of how ‘everything is fine between two concenting adults’ is sometimes just NOT TRUE. Safe breath play does not exist. And unless your kink is dying of brain damage of a blood clot some time after a play that ‘seemed to go well’, DO NOT DO IT. 
And ya know, stop unquestioningly believing what the BDSM world tells you. Stop believing that acts like this can be done safely but also stop believing that rape and abusive relationships don’t exist in the BDSM scene and that you should ignore the warning signs of abuse. Stop believing that a ‘sub’ who is not allowed to speak to others without permission is in a healthy relationship. Stop believing that people who complain about sexism or racism in play are just ‘kink shaming’. Stop believing that someone who reports having their consent violated just wasn’t clear enough about their safe words or ‘it’s probably all a big misunderstanding’. Stop believing that ‘privacy’ should include not naming rapists. 
Step back and really think about what is safe, what is ethical and what is rape culture and abuse. 

I don’t get it. If it’s okay to hold your breath why wouldn’t it be okay to have someone else hold your breath? I like having that done to me. I don’t ever do it for more than two minutes, usually more like 45 seconds. How could that be a health problem? Is there some kind of documentation?

I was talking to Maymay about this last night and I believe their exact words were, “Whether or not breath play can be done safely is, like, a BDSM intracommunity blood feud.” Apparently, some people think there are safe ways to do it, and other people think those people are insane.
The person who taught me how to do it said the trick is to hold your own breath at the same time you’re holding theirs, so that you make sure to let them breathe before you start getting lightheaded yourself. (She also used a pinching-the-nose-and-mouth-closed method, not a strangulation method.) That doesn’t seem fool-proof; different people have different lung capacities, and it doesn’t solve the issues of dangerous follow-up effects. But it made sense to me as a general rule. (And of course, I just trusted her because I saw her as a “Real Dom” and thus an “expert.”) That being said, I still don’t do it, because it makes me nervous. And because it’s not really my kink.
One major thing the OPs seemed to be pointing out is that the position depicted in the image — cutting someone’s air supply off by choking them — is never safe because of the fragility of the hyoid bone. The hyoid is a tiny, floating bone in the front of your throat that helps support your trachea as well as anchoring some of your tongue movements. It is often crushed when someone is choked or strangled. In massage school they taught us never to work in that area without very specific technical training, because the hyoid is an “endangerment zone.” Accidentally putting pressure on it has the potential to cause serious injury. So, yes, even though I could maybe countenance breath play in other ways, I would never consider it “safe” to do it the way it’s depicted in that image.
That doesn’t mean nobody should do it, or course. Risk-tolerance is a personal decision. It’s possible to have barrier-free sex with an HIV+ person and not contract HIV, and there might be lots of good reasons to choose to do so in certain situations. But it’d be pretty irresponsible to explain that to people by telling them barrier-free sex is no big deal and you probably won’t get HIV anyway as long as you wash your dick afterwards. Consent isn’t consent unless it’s informed. Lots of people in the Scene (and out of it) are probably agreeing to breath play without being meaningfully informed about the potential side-effects. That’s a problem. 
And it’s a problem with a lot of other stuff, also, such as people agreeing to enter full-time intimate “power exchange” relationships explicitly grounded in abuse dynamics, without being informed about the potential for acquiring PTSD even from activities they consented to. Again, I’m not saying nobody should ever choose to take that risk. For some people, long-term PTSD might be a price they’re willing to pay for a kind of intimacy that’s really important to them. I seriously empathize with that. But I’m saying people deserve to know what they’re signing up for. And the BDSM Scene is in the business of obfuscating the terms of their contracts.

Really great stuff here.
Also, the Douchey Dom meme is once again suddenly relevant:

maymay:

TL;DR: Whether or not breath play can be done safely is, like, a BDSM intracommunity blood feud. There are a lot of risks that even “experienced breath play experts” don’t even know exist.

But the fact that there are a lot of ignorant “experts” in the BDSM Scene, and even more people who eagerly consent to putting their lives in these self-described expert’s hands (literally!) is not some kind of fluke about breath play, and that dynamic doesn’t only exist in the BDSM Scene.

Rather, it’s a fundamental supporting pillar of rape culture generally ("if it’s a legitimate rape, a woman’s body has ways of shutting that whole thing down", anyone?), which the BDSM Scene knowingly relies on in order to sustain its existence.

The BDSM Scene is in the business of obfuscating the terms of their contracts, relying on the fact that you won’t read the fine print before clicking on the proverbial “I consent” button.

unquietpirate:

vividvioletglow:

notfuckingcishet:

appropriately-inappropriate:

cumberbabeswillrise:

catpal6000:

fuckyeahkinkshaming:

staininyourbrain:

unapologeticradfem:

delicately-interconnected:

pornographicmeatnightmare:

burima:

naazaneen:

jennivudu:

PSA of the day.

Are you fucking kidding . This is so disgusting

wtf is this sociopathic trash. 

look at this piece of shit post. i hope the people who reblogged it uncritically get the shits for days man

THIS IS RAPE CULTURE. BDSM IS ABUSE.

It’s scary that so many people reblogged this without criticism. This is how normalized violence against women is in our culture.

what the actual fuck

AMAZING.

PSA

THERE’S NO SAFE WAY TO DO BREATH PLAY THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY TO DO BREATH PLAY SAFELY THERE IS NOT THERE IS NOT

but if a persons kink doesn’t hurt anybody and if both/all parties are down, isn’t a post about being safe in this situation a good thing?

If it’s a kink and you have a safeword and you and your partner listen to the safeword and are comfortable with doing breathplay then it’s fine. As long as you’re both careful and safe about it.

There is literally no such thing as safe breathplay.

Consent doesn’t mean you won’t get arrested for manslaughter if your play partner dies of a cardiac arrest.

Oh, lemme guess: you didn’t know that breathplay can cause a silent cardiac arrest in even the healthiest individual up to 45 minutes after play? And I’ll guess you didn’t know that a fractured hyoid bone—typical to strangulation or choking—is a life-threatening medical emergency?

Or that even three minutes of hypoxia can cause anoxic brain damage, which is cumulative and irreparable?

There is NO SUCH THING as safe breathplay and it is irresponsible in the extreme to suggest there is.

This is an excellent example of how ‘everything is fine between two concenting adults’ is sometimes just NOT TRUE. Safe breath play does not exist. And unless your kink is dying of brain damage of a blood clot some time after a play that ‘seemed to go well’, DO NOT DO IT. 

And ya know, stop unquestioningly believing what the BDSM world tells you. Stop believing that acts like this can be done safely but also stop believing that rape and abusive relationships don’t exist in the BDSM scene and that you should ignore the warning signs of abuse. Stop believing that a ‘sub’ who is not allowed to speak to others without permission is in a healthy relationship. Stop believing that people who complain about sexism or racism in play are just ‘kink shaming’. Stop believing that someone who reports having their consent violated just wasn’t clear enough about their safe words or ‘it’s probably all a big misunderstanding’. Stop believing that ‘privacy’ should include not naming rapists. 

Step back and really think about what is safe, what is ethical and what is rape culture and abuse. 

I don’t get it. If it’s okay to hold your breath why wouldn’t it be okay to have someone else hold your breath? I like having that done to me. I don’t ever do it for more than two minutes, usually more like 45 seconds. How could that be a health problem? Is there some kind of documentation?

I was talking to Maymay about this last night and I believe their exact words were, “Whether or not breath play can be done safely is, like, a BDSM intracommunity blood feud.” Apparently, some people think there are safe ways to do it, and other people think those people are insane.

The person who taught me how to do it said the trick is to hold your own breath at the same time you’re holding theirs, so that you make sure to let them breathe before you start getting lightheaded yourself. (She also used a pinching-the-nose-and-mouth-closed method, not a strangulation method.) That doesn’t seem fool-proof; different people have different lung capacities, and it doesn’t solve the issues of dangerous follow-up effects. But it made sense to me as a general rule. (And of course, I just trusted her because I saw her as a “Real Dom” and thus an “expert.”) That being said, I still don’t do it, because it makes me nervous. And because it’s not really my kink.

One major thing the OPs seemed to be pointing out is that the position depicted in the image — cutting someone’s air supply off by choking them — is never safe because of the fragility of the hyoid bone. The hyoid is a tiny, floating bone in the front of your throat that helps support your trachea as well as anchoring some of your tongue movements. It is often crushed when someone is choked or strangled. In massage school they taught us never to work in that area without very specific technical training, because the hyoid is an “endangerment zone.” Accidentally putting pressure on it has the potential to cause serious injury. So, yes, even though I could maybe countenance breath play in other ways, I would never consider it “safe” to do it the way it’s depicted in that image.

That doesn’t mean nobody should do it, or course. Risk-tolerance is a personal decision. It’s possible to have barrier-free sex with an HIV+ person and not contract HIV, and there might be lots of good reasons to choose to do so in certain situations. But it’d be pretty irresponsible to explain that to people by telling them barrier-free sex is no big deal and you probably won’t get HIV anyway as long as you wash your dick afterwards. Consent isn’t consent unless it’s informed. Lots of people in the Scene (and out of it) are probably agreeing to breath play without being meaningfully informed about the potential side-effects. That’s a problem. 

And it’s a problem with a lot of other stuff, also, such as people agreeing to enter full-time intimate “power exchange” relationships explicitly grounded in abuse dynamics, without being informed about the potential for acquiring PTSD even from activities they consented to. Again, I’m not saying nobody should ever choose to take that risk. For some people, long-term PTSD might be a price they’re willing to pay for a kind of intimacy that’s really important to them. I seriously empathize with that. But I’m saying people deserve to know what they’re signing up for. And the BDSM Scene is in the business of obfuscating the terms of their contracts.

Really great stuff here.

Also, the Douchey Dom meme is once again suddenly relevant:

Douchey Dom: TOOK A ROPE BONDAGE CLASS ONCE … CALLS HIMSELF A "SHIBARI MASTER"

Douchey Dom: GAGS HER DURING SEX … CLAIMS "SHE NEVER SAID NO"

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maymay:

O look moar Douchey Dom memes!

(Here are the others I really liked. Make your own!)

This “violet wand” one is hilarious, too:

Douchey Dom: "WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY MY VIOLET WAND? … (THE VIOLET WAND IS MY PENIS.)"

And this isn’t really funny so much as a constant fucking endemic problem with these shitty people:

Douchey Dom: "SUB ACCUSES HIM OF VIOLATING HER CONSENT … TELLS WHOLE COMMUNITY 'SHE LIKES TO START DRAMA'"

I bet looking through the Predator Alert Tool for FetLife consent violation reports would provide sooooo much more fodder for this meme omg.

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Tue Jul 1

maymay:

Well, that was fast. More Douchey Dom images! :D I can’t wait to check back tomorrow to see what else y’all have come up with. (Here’s where you can make your own images.)

GAGS HER DURING SEX … CLAIMS “SHE NEVER SAID NO.”

TOP DROP … IS FOR SISSY DOMS.

OF COURSE DOMINANT WOMEN EXIST … THEY’RE WOMEN WHO HAVEN’T SUBMITTED TO ME YET

SUPPORTS GAY RIGHTS … BY MAKING LESBIAN PORN WITH HIS TWO GIRLFRIENDS

ISLAMOPHOBE … WANTS A “HAREM”

BDSM IS STILL TABOO … BUYS HOME DUNGEON EQUIPMENT FROM CORNER SEX SHOP

"YOU SHOULD BOTTOM BEFORE YOU TOP" … HAS NEVER BOTTOMED IN HIS LIFE

There’s more on the Douchey Dom page, too. Some are really, really funny! …in that douchey kind of way.

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maymay:

A few more Douchey Dom memes:

"ONLY YES MEANS YES." … "IF SHE DIDN’T SAFEWORD IT MEANS SHE WANTED IT."

"I’M AN OPPRESSED MINORITY." … EVERYTHING ON THE PLANET AFFIRMS HIS RAPE FETISH.

"LOVING DOMINANT" … "LOL 2 SUBMISSIVES IN A RELATIONSHIP? WHAT WOULD THEY EVEN DO?"

Here’s the original Douchey Dom set.