Male Submission Art

Art and visual erotica that depicts masculine submission.

We showcase beautiful imagery where men and other male-identified people are submissive subjects. We aim to challenge stereotypes of the "pathetic" submissive man. Learn more….

Your steward is maymay. Want to collaborate with me? It's easy: visit MaleSubmissionArt.com/submit or tag your Delicious.com bookmarks as for:MaleSubmissionArt! More ways to contribute….

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Original work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License. We make a concerted effort to attribute works properly; please show us, and the artists whose work we feature, the same courtesy. Please redistribute this work; you are not stealing.

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ztvf7jsh8a
Sun Dec 30

ABSTRACT: Tracking rape culture’s social license to operate online

Because, actually, this really matters.

maymay:

The FetLife Alleged Abusers Database Engine (FAADE) is a simple tool to collect reports of allegedly abusive behavior perpetrated by individuals. As expected, it was quickly “spammed” by aggrieved users who expressly articulated a motivation to “make it [FAADE] useless.” However, analysis of the spam suggests there are data-driven ways to identify communities who have toxic responses to the possibility of abuse occurring in their midst, something we’ve read about before but haven’t been able to witness, play by play, on screen. This post will first show how the spam was matched to a geographically proximal social group. It will then discuss the implications of this analysis for suggesting possible heuristics that can protect users of online social networks from physical-world sexual assault that are more useful than deeply flawed processes relying on blacklists such as national sex offender registries.

Read the full post….

ztvf7jsh8a
Thu Nov 8
maymay:

The FetLife Alleged Abusers Database Engine, or FAADE, is a tool that alerts you of profiles on FetLife belonging to people who have reportedly violated others’ consent, such as through sexual assault or rape. This tool is a response to what is, as of this writing, one of the most popular suggestions in the FetLife suggestion box:

Let us name abusers.
Fetlife’s Terms of Use include the following prohibitions:
“You agree that, while using BitLove Inc.’s Products and Services, you will not: Personally attack, make fun of, troll, flame, bully, stalk or otherwise harass another member. Make criminal accusations against another member in a public forum. […]“
While these conditions may be invoked to stop harassment and to shield Fetlife from liability, they also prevent members of our community from publicly naming and speaking out against abusers, rapists, and other predators. Given Fetlife’s prominence and the role it plays in supporting and expanding kink community – particularly its role as a point of entry into the community for young, inexperienced, or otherwise vulnerable people – we feel that Fetlife’s current policy is irresponsible and tantamount to enabling abuse. PLEASE CHANGE IT.

FAADE empowers Internet users like you to anonymously report harassment, rape, and other abuses they have experienced at the hands of a person with a FetLife account. Your report is then automatically disemminated to other FAADE users, as well as being published on the open Internet. While browsing FetLife, FAADE will also highlight any user profile you encounter that has allegedly violated another person’s consent. Click through to the user’s profile for a complete listing of reported consent violations.
System requirements
To use the FetLife Alleged Abusers Datase Engine, you must be running Mozilla Firefox (version 12.0 or higher), with the Greasemonkey extension installed (at version 1.0 or higher).
Sorry, FAADE is currently incompatible with other Web browsers. (Please help me fix that!)
Installing
To install the FetLife Alleged Abusers Database Engine, go to http://maybemaimed.com/playground/fetlife-alleged-abusers-database-engine/ and click the “Download and install” near the middle of the page:

Download and install FetLife Alleged Abusers Database Engine

If you enjoy this script, please consider tossing a few metaphorical coins in my cyberbusking hat. :) Your donations are sincerely appreciated! Can’t afford to part with any coin? It’s cool. Tweet your appreciation, instead.
If maybemaimed.com is censored where you are, you can alternatively go to the Userscripts.org page for FetLife Alleged Abusers Database Engine and click on “Install“. If the tool is also unavailable there, you can alternatively download FAADE from GitHub.com.
Using
To use the FetLife Alleged Abusers Database Engine (FAADE), log in to your FetLife.com account and click the “(report a consent violation by username)” link next to the FetLife username of the user who you wish to report for an alleged assault, rape, or other violation of your consent.
When you click a “report a consent violation” link, you will be presented with a form asking you for pertinent information related to the violation you would like to report. Follow the instructions on the form and click “Submit” to complete your report.
Once you have filed your report, it will be displayed to other FAADE users near the top of the alleged abuser’s FetLife profile, as shown in the example below:

Please be patient. It may take up to 24 hours for your report to be visible on FetLife pages to other FAADE users, but it will be immediately available on the open Internet. The entire database of alleged abuses is also available for download to anyone, regardless of whether they use FAADE or not, in multiple formats:
Download the database of alleged abuses by FetLife users in CSV format.
Download the database of alleged abuses by FetLife users in plain text format.
Download the database of alleged abuses by FetLife users as a PDF file.
Download the database of alleged abuses by FetLife users as a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet.
Download the database of alleged abuses by FetLife users as an OpenDocument spreadsheet.
Additionally, you can also subscribe to receive updates of alleged abuses:
Subscribe to the database of alleged abuses by FetLife users as an ATOM feed.
Subscribe to the database of alleged abuses by FetLife users as an RSS feed.
Frequently Asked Questions
Before you report a new issue with the FetLife Alleged Abusers Database Engine (FAADE), please check to ensure your question is not already addressed in the list below.
Can I report a consent violation anonymously?
Can I report a consent violation if I don’t have a FetLife account?
Can I remove myself from the database?
What can I do if I’ve been falsely accused?
Where can I learn more about this issue?
Can I report a consent violation anonymously?
Yes. FAADE will never require the use of your personally identifying information to be reported, nor will it ever collect your personal information. When you file a report of abuse, you are welcome to include as much or as little information about yourself as you feel comfortable doing.
Can I report a consent violation if I don’t have a FetLife account?
Yes. Anyone can file a report, regardles of whether they, themselves, have a FetLife account. However, allegations can only be made against users of FetLife.
If you don’t have a FetLife account, you can still access and submit the report form. However, some fields, such as the person’s numeric FetLife user ID and profile name, will not be be automatically filled in. Follow the instructions on the report form to help you complete any fields not already pre-filled.
Can I remove myself from the database?
No. There will never be an option for removing anyone from the database. And no, I’m not sorry about that.
What can I do if I’ve been falsely accused?
You can update your FetLife profile to address the allegation. Be sure to respond to the allegation at the very beginning of your “About me” section so that it is displayed close to the report you believe is false. Each report filed against you is numbered, so if you believe there are multiple false accusations, you can refer to them by number.
Where can I learn more about this issue?
The following articles are important reads that offer additional background and context for this issue:
The privacy information FetLife doesn’t want you to read
FetLife Is Not Safe for Users
Fetlife: Not Consent Counts, but Convictions Count, eh?
Let’s get practical: Care about Internet privacy because it keeps your loved ones physically safer
Each of the pages listed above also contain numerous additional links. Take the red pill and see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

See also:
FetLife’s cheerleaders say it’s not a dating site. FetLife’s own meta tags say it’s a “dating site”.
BDSM Scene power brokers are doing everything they know how to support a corrupt status quo.
FetLife Age/Sex/Location Search

maymay:

The FetLife Alleged Abusers Database Engine, or FAADE, is a tool that alerts you of profiles on FetLife belonging to people who have reportedly violated others’ consent, such as through sexual assault or rape. This tool is a response to what is, as of this writing, one of the most popular suggestions in the FetLife suggestion box:

Let us name abusers.

Fetlife’s Terms of Use include the following prohibitions:

“You agree that, while using BitLove Inc.’s Products and Services, you will not:
Personally attack, make fun of, troll, flame, bully, stalk or otherwise harass another member.
Make criminal accusations against another member in a public forum. […]“

While these conditions may be invoked to stop harassment and to shield Fetlife from liability, they also prevent members of our community from publicly naming and speaking out against abusers, rapists, and other predators. Given Fetlife’s prominence and the role it plays in supporting and expanding kink community – particularly its role as a point of entry into the community for young, inexperienced, or otherwise vulnerable people – we feel that Fetlife’s current policy is irresponsible and tantamount to enabling abuse. PLEASE CHANGE IT.

FAADE empowers Internet users like you to anonymously report harassment, rape, and other abuses they have experienced at the hands of a person with a FetLife account. Your report is then automatically disemminated to other FAADE users, as well as being published on the open Internet. While browsing FetLife, FAADE will also highlight any user profile you encounter that has allegedly violated another person’s consent. Click through to the user’s profile for a complete listing of reported consent violations.

System requirements

To use the FetLife Alleged Abusers Datase Engine, you must be running Mozilla Firefox (version 12.0 or higher), with the Greasemonkey extension installed (at version 1.0 or higher).

Sorry, FAADE is currently incompatible with other Web browsers. (Please help me fix that!)

Installing

To install the FetLife Alleged Abusers Database Engine, go to http://maybemaimed.com/playground/fetlife-alleged-abusers-database-engine/ and click the “Download and install” near the middle of the page:

Download and install FetLife Alleged Abusers Database Engine

If you enjoy this script, please consider tossing a few metaphorical coins in my cyberbusking hat. :) Your donations are sincerely appreciated! Can’t afford to part with any coin? It’s cool. Tweet your appreciation, instead.

If maybemaimed.com is censored where you are, you can alternatively go to the Userscripts.org page for FetLife Alleged Abusers Database Engine and click on “Install“. If the tool is also unavailable there, you can alternatively download FAADE from GitHub.com.

Using

To use the FetLife Alleged Abusers Database Engine (FAADE), log in to your FetLife.com account and click the “(report a consent violation by username)” link next to the FetLife username of the user who you wish to report for an alleged assault, rape, or other violation of your consent.

When you click a “report a consent violation” link, you will be presented with a form asking you for pertinent information related to the violation you would like to report. Follow the instructions on the form and click “Submit” to complete your report.

Once you have filed your report, it will be displayed to other FAADE users near the top of the alleged abuser’s FetLife profile, as shown in the example below:

Screenshot of FetLife profile with record of alleged consent violation.

Please be patient. It may take up to 24 hours for your report to be visible on FetLife pages to other FAADE users, but it will be immediately available on the open Internet. The entire database of alleged abuses is also available for download to anyone, regardless of whether they use FAADE or not, in multiple formats:

Additionally, you can also subscribe to receive updates of alleged abuses:

Frequently Asked Questions

Before you report a new issue with the FetLife Alleged Abusers Database Engine (FAADE), please check to ensure your question is not already addressed in the list below.

Can I report a consent violation anonymously?

Yes. FAADE will never require the use of your personally identifying information to be reported, nor will it ever collect your personal information. When you file a report of abuse, you are welcome to include as much or as little information about yourself as you feel comfortable doing.

Can I report a consent violation if I don’t have a FetLife account?

Yes. Anyone can file a report, regardles of whether they, themselves, have a FetLife account. However, allegations can only be made against users of FetLife.

If you don’t have a FetLife account, you can still access and submit the report form. However, some fields, such as the person’s numeric FetLife user ID and profile name, will not be be automatically filled in. Follow the instructions on the report form to help you complete any fields not already pre-filled.

Can I remove myself from the database?

No. There will never be an option for removing anyone from the database. And no, I’m not sorry about that.

What can I do if I’ve been falsely accused?

You can update your FetLife profile to address the allegation. Be sure to respond to the allegation at the very beginning of your “About me” section so that it is displayed close to the report you believe is false. Each report filed against you is numbered, so if you believe there are multiple false accusations, you can refer to them by number.

Where can I learn more about this issue?

The following articles are important reads that offer additional background and context for this issue:

Each of the pages listed above also contain numerous additional links. Take the red pill and see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

See also:

ztvf7jsh8a
Tue Oct 9
I know a lot of you follow this blog for the very sexy porn but, frankly, this is more important. I implore you: care about submissive men as people, if only because that’s a humane way to get more porn. So if you’ve wondered why there wasn’t a steady stream of male submissive sex objects on this feed over the past year, consider the possibility that those of us who would curate such a thing (like me) are often emotionally deadened to the possibility of enjoying the results…and ask yourself why that might be.
-maymay
maymay:

Clearly inspired by my BDSM Workshop Bingo, a self-described “young, sexually dominant, Adult” made a BDSM Meetup Bingo board:
domspace:

I made a new Bingo, for meetups ~

Cute. I like it. More interesting, however, are this person’s reflections upon attending a BDSM Scene event recently. Here’s what they had to say:

So I went to my first bdsm meet up. The prospect was simple:
If you like bdsm and want to talk to others, come to this place. A few obvious rules are stated (dress normally, don’t hit on everything that moves, be nice) -
I expected a bunch of “old” people (40+) and… found that. Let me go into detail;
The typical “Old man with money, younger wife that struggles with the fact that she is old and now looks like her skin is leather from all the things she tries to hide her age with”
The “40- something, husband and totally out of place looking guy” that never talks about bdsm, but a lot about politics and economics
The “35+ and desperate” guy that … basically acts like quagmire from Family Guy - Giggdy - shamelessly bothering anything that looks like a sub.
The “Passive Sub” - that simply never says anything, barley keeping herself from clinging to her husband.

Notice the gendered language. At the first reference to a submissive person, the “she” gender pronoun is used. And BDSM’ers wonder why I feel invisible?

The fat girl(s) - Lets be honest, they do tend to be into bdsm, god bless em. Quite nice to chat with actually~
The Painslut - the youngest person after me, 27 years old - takes great joy from the older people basically fighting over her. Very open, wanted me to play with her after a disturbingly short amount of time.

Note, again, “The Painslut” is referred to as “she.” Note, even more importantly, the unabashed promiscuity, who displayed it, and how. I have greater issues with this due to the fact that people who behave in the way described here tend to rarely, if ever, acknowledge that their ability to be socially supported in doing so is a privilege bestowed upon them by the BDSM Scene-State’s work-play economy. For those that don’t know, the BDSM Scene-State’s work-play economy works like this:

Click through for a full description. Anyway, continuing with the original poster’s reflections:

The male Sub - Talks a lot, loved by everyone, caters to any and every opinion - actually quite nice.

I’ve seen this person, too. Hell, for a couple years, I was this person. Note the final characteristic listed: caters to any and every opinion. Male submissives are totally welcome in the BDSM Scene, as long as we behave, in Matt Groening’s words, like “devious little weasels”:

On the other hand, if we don’t play nice with every privileged shit we meet, if we actually speak for ourselves, if we actually hold dissenting views and speak the fuck up about them, we’re not so well-treated.

The King & Queen “We’ve been here for 48 years, let us state that regularly and clearly”

Also known as “the Puny Kings of Puny Hills.”

The Old Guard “We are old. Therefore we know bdsm well. When you ask for tips and stories, we change topic though - very afraid of losing there position of “knows the most” and will quite rudely interrupt anyone else giving tips with pointless statements/jokes.
The young Dom (like me!) - Looks like a designer/hipster/programmer - they obviously read some books, they clearly enjoy hurting and playing people and answer your questions willingly - as long as you never doubt them.
Really just smalltalk most of the night, getting used to each other, naturally finding some comfort before the more kinky topics start up late at night - sadly they also are quite drunk at this time and the desperate fellas lose all limits, leading to a lot of awkward moment of subs trying to escape them.

I’m going to emphasize that last bit just because it deserves to be repeated: “a lot of awkward moments of subs trying to escape [doms].”
At first blush, it’s easy to gloss right over this sentence, to not realize the massive intrusion of rape culture into the BDSM Scene that this sentence illustrates. But that’s what it is: this is what rape culture looks like in the BDSM Scene.

Overall the preference was really limited to “receiving and inflicting pain”, with a foot-fetish and electro play as the only escapees i found.

And that is because most people in the semi-public BDSM Scene are brainwashed to adhere to a hierarchy of play that puts pain at the top. I call this “The Kink Culture of Fear.” It’s stupid, but it’s everywhere.

The crew was mostly men, but the ratio wasn’t to bad (2.5 guys to 1 female) - but I wouldn’t recommend there if you want to find the partner for your life. You can certainly get laid, thou~

While the ratio of humans at a BDSM Scene event is generally more evenly gender-balanced than is expected, a far more telling measure is the ratio of images (porn, photographs, etc.) present on the BDSM venue’s walls.

The community feeling is rather thick and you have to work your way in during the small talk, trying to ignore the inside jokes and reference to events you can’t know.

Yup. Clique clique clique clique clique.

What did I learn?
- BDSM communities can be pretty much like a swinger club.
- If you are young, people don’t think you can do “the bdsm” - but they are nice about it

Not only are they nice about it, they practically treat you like you’re a humanoid version of the 8th Wonder of the World, citing your extreme exceptionalism as justification for their unadulterated adultism. Again, it’s stupid, but it’s everywhere.

- Some clichés are true.
- Talk to male subs, they are quite pleasant and easy to approach.

Hey, THANKS FOR SAYING SO.
Do you have any idea how many times I’ve read a sentence like this? Once. In my whole life. However, do you have any idea how many times I’ve read sentences that are very much the opposite? Here’s just a tiny fraction of the things I see written about male submissives every day without even having to go looking for them most of the time:
“submissive men facinate me. repulsive… spineless pathetic little creatures.. so fucked up.”
“You see, male subs are often like diseased rodents but without all the redeeming qualities.”
“im a woman. I like to play the female role. Meaning i dont want no bitch ass Submissive man. Let me know your in control.”
These are all real quotes. Click through for their sources. There’s a ton more, but frankly I don’t have the emotional stamina to copy-and-paste them. If you’re reading and you have some more examples, by all means, add your own—and do it with links if you have them so others can find out who these people are.

- Subs may not talk a lot, but they are still watching you.
- They all shared a lot of personal, intimate things in play partys and so on - you are not part of this, but you can be. Respect that you have to earn that trust first.
- It’s actually pretty chill.
- Talking Dom to Dom can be educating, a nice circle jerk off “oh yeah [Dat feel]”
- Trying to explain your kinks and why you like them is HARD!
- Showing up as single-male isn’t that horrible, as long as you behave.
As you see, there was no direct advise - and overall any definite statements are rare, because even more then in Internet communities, people avoid actually running the risk of saying something that someone else may disagree with - after all you see these people in person, you don’t want them to know about your daddy-daughter fetish - even in the kink friendly group.Even in the “outsider” group of BDSM, there are outsiders.

Truth. As Matt Cornell wrote, “listen to…outsiders, those individuals who put their bodies in the frame to agitate for more diverse images and better ideas. […] Perhaps [they] can show us a way out. A way to feel whole.”
People often ask me, is the BDSM Scene really “universally…that bad?” And I answer yes, it is. By all means, go there yourself if you don’t believe me. I guarantee you’ll eventually come to realize that these things I’ve been saying and writing for almost a decade now, are not far-flung fictions.
What this person who reflected on their first BDSM Scene meetup described is not an anomaly. The BDSM Scene is a global subculture that has spread like a virus across the globe.
Think about it. At every corner of the BDSM Scene, you’ll hear the same tropes, you’ll see the same dress codes, and you’ll notice the same demographics of people are excluded, marginalized, and gleefully denigrated. You’ll find the same retailers selling the same equipment, the same celebrities presenting the same material, and the same people (sometimes literally) spewing the same bullshit rhetoric, over and over and over again.
This is not just some loose, informal happenstance. The lack of diversity in the BDSM Scene-State is a symptom of its globalized, industrialized, capitalist impulse. It is a system worth destroying.
Still not convinced? Here are a couple additional reactions to my BDSM Workshop Bingo board, just from here on Tumblr:
“SNAP. I wish I’d had this back in February for Dark Odyssey! I would’ve gotten bingo at least three times for the two classes I went to. Also: this applies to every workshop I’ve ever been to ever.” —joceyofdoom.tumblr.com
“Ugh, I have heard almost all of those things over the years…” —rendclaw.tumblr.com

I know a lot of you follow this blog for the very sexy porn but, frankly, this is more important. I implore you: care about submissive men as people, if only because that’s a humane way to get more porn. So if you’ve wondered why there wasn’t a steady stream of male submissive sex objects on this feed over the past year, consider the possibility that those of us who would curate such a thing (like me) are often emotionally deadened to the possibility of enjoying the results…and ask yourself why that might be.

-maymay

maymay:

Clearly inspired by my BDSM Workshop Bingo, a self-described “young, sexually dominant, Adult” made a BDSM Meetup Bingo board:

domspace:

I made a new Bingo, for meetups ~

Cute. I like it. More interesting, however, are this person’s reflections upon attending a BDSM Scene event recently. Here’s what they had to say:

So I went to my first bdsm meet up. The prospect was simple:

If you like bdsm and want to talk to others, come to this place. A few obvious rules are stated (dress normally, don’t hit on everything that moves, be nice) -

I expected a bunch of “old” people (40+) and… found that. Let me go into detail;

The typical “Old man with money, younger wife that struggles with the fact that she is old and now looks like her skin is leather from all the things she tries to hide her age with”

The “40- something, husband and totally out of place looking guy” that never talks about bdsm, but a lot about politics and economics

The “35+ and desperate” guy that … basically acts like quagmire from Family Guy - Giggdy - shamelessly bothering anything that looks like a sub.

The “Passive Sub” - that simply never says anything, barley keeping herself from clinging to her husband.

Notice the gendered language. At the first reference to a submissive person, the “she” gender pronoun is used. And BDSM’ers wonder why I feel invisible?

The fat girl(s) - Lets be honest, they do tend to be into bdsm, god bless em. Quite nice to chat with actually~

The Painslut - the youngest person after me, 27 years old - takes great joy from the older people basically fighting over her. Very open, wanted me to play with her after a disturbingly short amount of time.

Note, again, “The Painslut” is referred to as “she.” Note, even more importantly, the unabashed promiscuity, who displayed it, and how. I have greater issues with this due to the fact that people who behave in the way described here tend to rarely, if ever, acknowledge that their ability to be socially supported in doing so is a privilege bestowed upon them by the BDSM Scene-State’s work-play economy. For those that don’t know, the BDSM Scene-State’s work-play economy works like this:

Click through for a full description. Anyway, continuing with the original poster’s reflections:

The male Sub - Talks a lot, loved by everyone, caters to any and every opinion - actually quite nice.

I’ve seen this person, too. Hell, for a couple years, I was this person. Note the final characteristic listed: caters to any and every opinion. Male submissives are totally welcome in the BDSM Scene, as long as we behave, in Matt Groening’s words, like “devious little weasels”:

On the other hand, if we don’t play nice with every privileged shit we meet, if we actually speak for ourselves, if we actually hold dissenting views and speak the fuck up about them, we’re not so well-treated.

The King & Queen “We’ve been here for 48 years, let us state that regularly and clearly”

Also known as “the Puny Kings of Puny Hills.”

The Old Guard “We are old. Therefore we know bdsm well. When you ask for tips and stories, we change topic though - very afraid of losing there position of “knows the most” and will quite rudely interrupt anyone else giving tips with pointless statements/jokes.

The young Dom (like me!) - Looks like a designer/hipster/programmer - they obviously read some books, they clearly enjoy hurting and playing people and answer your questions willingly - as long as you never doubt them.

Really just smalltalk most of the night, getting used to each other, naturally finding some comfort before the more kinky topics start up late at night - sadly they also are quite drunk at this time and the desperate fellas lose all limits, leading to a lot of awkward moment of subs trying to escape them.

I’m going to emphasize that last bit just because it deserves to be repeated: “a lot of awkward moments of subs trying to escape [doms].”

At first blush, it’s easy to gloss right over this sentence, to not realize the massive intrusion of rape culture into the BDSM Scene that this sentence illustrates. But that’s what it is: this is what rape culture looks like in the BDSM Scene.

Overall the preference was really limited to “receiving and inflicting pain”, with a foot-fetish and electro play as the only escapees i found.

And that is because most people in the semi-public BDSM Scene are brainwashed to adhere to a hierarchy of play that puts pain at the top. I call this “The Kink Culture of Fear.” It’s stupid, but it’s everywhere.

The crew was mostly men, but the ratio wasn’t to bad (2.5 guys to 1 female) - but I wouldn’t recommend there if you want to find the partner for your life. You can certainly get laid, thou~

While the ratio of humans at a BDSM Scene event is generally more evenly gender-balanced than is expected, a far more telling measure is the ratio of images (porn, photographs, etc.) present on the BDSM venue’s walls.

The community feeling is rather thick and you have to work your way in during the small talk, trying to ignore the inside jokes and reference to events you can’t know.

Yup. Clique clique clique clique clique.

What did I learn?

- BDSM communities can be pretty much like a swinger club.

- If you are young, people don’t think you can do “the bdsm” - but they are nice about it

Not only are they nice about it, they practically treat you like you’re a humanoid version of the 8th Wonder of the World, citing your extreme exceptionalism as justification for their unadulterated adultism. Again, it’s stupid, but it’s everywhere.

- Some clichés are true.

- Talk to male subs, they are quite pleasant and easy to approach.

Hey, THANKS FOR SAYING SO.

Do you have any idea how many times I’ve read a sentence like this? Once. In my whole life. However, do you have any idea how many times I’ve read sentences that are very much the opposite? Here’s just a tiny fraction of the things I see written about male submissives every day without even having to go looking for them most of the time:

These are all real quotes. Click through for their sources. There’s a ton more, but frankly I don’t have the emotional stamina to copy-and-paste them. If you’re reading and you have some more examples, by all means, add your own—and do it with links if you have them so others can find out who these people are.

- Subs may not talk a lot, but they are still watching you.

- They all shared a lot of personal, intimate things in play partys and so on - you are not part of this, but you can be. Respect that you have to earn that trust first.

- It’s actually pretty chill.

- Talking Dom to Dom can be educating, a nice circle jerk off “oh yeah [Dat feel]”

- Trying to explain your kinks and why you like them is HARD!

- Showing up as single-male isn’t that horrible, as long as you behave.

As you see, there was no direct advise - and overall any definite statements are rare, because even more then in Internet communities, people avoid actually running the risk of saying something that someone else may disagree with - after all you see these people in person, you don’t want them to know about your daddy-daughter fetish - even in the kink friendly group.

Even in the “outsider” group of BDSM, there are outsiders.

Truth. As Matt Cornell wrote, “listen to…outsiders, those individuals who put their bodies in the frame to agitate for more diverse images and better ideas. […] Perhaps [they] can show us a way out. A way to feel whole.”

People often ask me, is the BDSM Scene really “universally…that bad?” And I answer yes, it is. By all means, go there yourself if you don’t believe me. I guarantee you’ll eventually come to realize that these things I’ve been saying and writing for almost a decade now, are not far-flung fictions.

What this person who reflected on their first BDSM Scene meetup described is not an anomaly. The BDSM Scene is a global subculture that has spread like a virus across the globe.

Think about it. At every corner of the BDSM Scene, you’ll hear the same tropes, you’ll see the same dress codes, and you’ll notice the same demographics of people are excluded, marginalized, and gleefully denigrated. You’ll find the same retailers selling the same equipment, the same celebrities presenting the same material, and the same people (sometimes literally) spewing the same bullshit rhetoric, over and over and over again.

This is not just some loose, informal happenstance. The lack of diversity in the BDSM Scene-State is a symptom of its globalized, industrialized, capitalist impulse. It is a system worth destroying.

Still not convinced? Here are a couple additional reactions to my BDSM Workshop Bingo board, just from here on Tumblr:

  • “SNAP. I wish I’d had this back in February for Dark Odyssey! I would’ve gotten bingo at least three times for the two classes I went to. Also: this applies to every workshop I’ve ever been to ever.” —joceyofdoom.tumblr.com
  • “Ugh, I have heard almost all of those things over the years…” —rendclaw.tumblr.com
ztvf7jsh8a
Mon Oct 1
BDSM Scene power brokers are doing everything they know how to silence discussions of the rampant rapes, sexual assaults, and violations of consent in their midst (especially by high-profile, VIP-status people), to censor postings linking to critique, and to prevent important safety and privacy information from spreading.
Over the past several weeks, I’ve been sent more than five different Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) takedown notices for videos I’ve made and posts I’ve written criticizing the “single largest online organ in the BDSM universe,” FetLife.com (aka BitLove, Inc.). Moreover, as of this writing, most of my counter-notices were allowed to proceed unchallenged, a tacit acknowledgement that FetLife is well aware their DMCA takedown notices were improper and that my material was all either non-infringing or fair use. The majority of my content is now back online.
As I recently wrote, the BDSM Scene is an abusive social institution. I believe its institutional structures ought be destroyed as quickly and as mercilessly as possible. No institution deserves loyalty, no demographic compassion, no organization trust, no culture respect. But every person is entitled to each of these.
Since the BDSM Scene’s powers that be have economic incentives to support rape culture, to perpetuate technical ignorance, and to erode Internet user privacy, I’ve begun writing computer code to provide users self-empowering tools. This is an effort to break through the “somebody else’s problem” mindset, and an attempt to show that, on the Internet, users—not institutions—can be in control of our own well-being if we work together.
Volunteers are needed to help write code, beta test new tools (such as those linked below), brainstorm new ideas, and generally disrupt the BDSM Scene-State’s abusive functioning. The game is cat-and-mouse; the goal is to spread this information before Scene-State agents censor it, to implement as many tools empowering users as possible, with or without BDSM Scene permission or assistance. Every reblog counts. Every link shared matters.
maymay:

The free FetLife Epic Thread user script gives FetLife.com threaded comments.

The FetLife Epic Thread user script makes reading long, passionate discussions on FetLife.com easier by adding comment threading for @-replies, a “previous/next” link for related comments, and visual highlights. Instead of needing to scroll past a bunch of unrelated comments, simply click the “Next in thread on page” link to go to the next comment in the thread. Rather than having to scroll up or copy-and-paste to see what a comment is replying to, click the “in reply to” link to see the original comment right under your cursor.

Download and install from maybemaimed.com.
See also:
The privacy information FetLife doesn’t want you to read.
FetLife Age/Sex/Location Search user script lets you search for FetLife profiles by age, sex, location, or role. (via)

BDSM Scene power brokers are doing everything they know how to silence discussions of the rampant rapes, sexual assaults, and violations of consent in their midst (especially by high-profile, VIP-status people), to censor postings linking to critique, and to prevent important safety and privacy information from spreading.

Over the past several weeks, I’ve been sent more than five different Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) takedown notices for videos I’ve made and posts I’ve written criticizing the “single largest online organ in the BDSM universe,” FetLife.com (aka BitLove, Inc.). Moreover, as of this writing, most of my counter-notices were allowed to proceed unchallenged, a tacit acknowledgement that FetLife is well aware their DMCA takedown notices were improper and that my material was all either non-infringing or fair use. The majority of my content is now back online.

As I recently wrote, the BDSM Scene is an abusive social institution. I believe its institutional structures ought be destroyed as quickly and as mercilessly as possible. No institution deserves loyalty, no demographic compassion, no organization trust, no culture respect. But every person is entitled to each of these.

Since the BDSM Scene’s powers that be have economic incentives to support rape culture, to perpetuate technical ignorance, and to erode Internet user privacy, I’ve begun writing computer code to provide users self-empowering tools. This is an effort to break through the “somebody else’s problem” mindset, and an attempt to show that, on the Internet, users—not institutions—can be in control of our own well-being if we work together.

Volunteers are needed to help write code, beta test new tools (such as those linked below), brainstorm new ideas, and generally disrupt the BDSM Scene-State’s abusive functioning. The game is cat-and-mouse; the goal is to spread this information before Scene-State agents censor it, to implement as many tools empowering users as possible, with or without BDSM Scene permission or assistance. Every reblog counts. Every link shared matters.

maymay:

The free FetLife Epic Thread user script gives FetLife.com threaded comments.

The FetLife Epic Thread user script makes reading long, passionate discussions on FetLife.com easier by adding comment threading for @-replies, a “previous/next” link for related comments, and visual highlights. Instead of needing to scroll past a bunch of unrelated comments, simply click the “Next in thread on page” link to go to the next comment in the thread. Rather than having to scroll up or copy-and-paste to see what a comment is replying to, click the “in reply to” link to see the original comment right under your cursor.

Download and install from maybemaimed.com.

See also:

ztvf7jsh8a
Fri Sep 14
Four lists, arranged in columns, describe traits commonly associated with “men,” “women,” “dominants” and “submissives,” respectively. The column labeled “Act like a man” bears striking similarities to the column “Act like a dominant,” while the column labeled “Act like a woman” closely resembles the items in the list marked “Act like a submissive.”
This image is the heart of a post called “The intersection of performative masculinity/femininity and dominance/submission,” published today by Dev. It’s a brilliant piece illustrating the hegemonic prejudices plaguing both the mainstream and the BDSM worlds. Reading it nearly brought me to tears:

As you can see, how to act like a man neatly maps onto how to act like a dom, and how to act like a woman neatly maps onto how to act like a sub. In this way, heterosexual M/f couples (male dominant, female submissive) wherein the man is a sadist (enjoys giving pain), and the female a masochist (enjoys receiving pain) can easily perform their two roles flawlessly at the same time. This is exemplified by the wildly popular Fifty Shades of Grey. This book is able to be so easily consumed because it doesn’t trample on anyone’s preconceived notions of what it means to be male or female, dominant or submissive. The M/f couple then, can be at the top of the BDSM hierarchy, with the male dominant on top of course because he’s dominant (and dominants are supposed to be superior).
Where do female dominants and male submissives land in this hierarchy? Female dominants get a higher place in the BDSM hierarchy than male submissives because even though they are stepping outside of the ‘act like a woman box’ 1) they too are dominants, which are intrinsically better than submissives according to our boxes, and 2) they are taking on masculine traits, which lifts their status rather than lowers it. Therefore, the hierarchy is topped by male dominants, then female dominants, then female submissives, and then male submissives. The latter group find themselves at the bottom of the heap because, like female dominants, they cannot reconcile their two roles, but unlike femdoms their new role takes them down a peg rather than boosting them up the ladder.

(Link in the quotation added by me.)
I rarely blog simply to say, “Go read this other thing,” but this is important enough to do exactly that. Please, please, please go read Dev’s post. It not only contains further analysis of the sexism inherent in mainstream BDSM culture (yes, even subcultures have a mainstream), it offers some generic advice for “throwing out the bad” and “keeping what works.” Just the other day, I published a "PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT for submissive men" (and other marginalized peoples) that I feel is equally important to associate with this post:

The BDSM Scene is an abusive social institution that provides structural cover for rapists, has economic incentives to silence survivors of sexual assault, and contains numerous for-profit businesses actively invested in the exploitation of its own members. Unfortunately, many assailants hold positions of power within the community, which makes it extremely difficult to talk about without being ostracized from the community.
No matter what they say, the BDSM community does NOT hold a monopoly on your sex life nor on your ability to play safely, or to find partners who you love and who will love you. The BDSM community is by and large only supportive of people who are white, heterosexual, class-privileged, cisgendered, conformant to hegemonic societal ideals of beauty, able-bodied, and so on.
The BDSM Scene’s whiteness is classism at work supporting sexism and racism. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. I strongly urge everyone interested in BDSM sexuality to AVOID AND DISASSOCIATE with any and all formal leather/kink/BDSM/fetish organizations in your area.
This is even more important for submissive men, trans people, old women, and fat women, all of whom are routinely used and discarded in both mainstream culture and the BDSM community as nothing more than a butt of a joke.
We deserve better. You deserve better. These people have no interest in doing right by you; most of them are nothing more valuable than privileged shits.
I urge you, from the bottom of my heart and a deeply personal place of empathetic experience, let their world burn. They’re doing it already; they don’t even need the media to make them look bad. Their behavior, abuse cover-ups, and rape apologism mimics the catholic Church, now.

None of this is hyperbole. As I said in a comment on Dev’s post, the “links […] provide details about each assertion made.”
I have been in an epistemically abusive relationship with the BDSM Scene for far too long. Enough. The BDSM Scene and its privileged shits can go frak themselves. And I hope they do.
-maymay
maymay:

The intersection of performative masculinity/femininity and dominance/submission, by Dev
Please read the whole post. Please.
See also:
Domism: Role Essentialism and Sexism Intersectionality in the BDSM Scene
Signal Boost: The Devaluation of Male Submission
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT for submissive men and kinky trans people, old women, and fat women
Criticism of FetLife, Internet, and BDSM

Four lists, arranged in columns, describe traits commonly associated with “men,” “women,” “dominants” and “submissives,” respectively. The column labeled “Act like a man” bears striking similarities to the column “Act like a dominant,” while the column labeled “Act like a woman” closely resembles the items in the list marked “Act like a submissive.”

This image is the heart of a post called “The intersection of performative masculinity/femininity and dominance/submission,” published today by Dev. It’s a brilliant piece illustrating the hegemonic prejudices plaguing both the mainstream and the BDSM worlds. Reading it nearly brought me to tears:

As you can see, how to act like a man neatly maps onto how to act like a dom, and how to act like a woman neatly maps onto how to act like a sub. In this way, heterosexual M/f couples (male dominant, female submissive) wherein the man is a sadist (enjoys giving pain), and the female a masochist (enjoys receiving pain) can easily perform their two roles flawlessly at the same time. This is exemplified by the wildly popular Fifty Shades of Grey. This book is able to be so easily consumed because it doesn’t trample on anyone’s preconceived notions of what it means to be male or female, dominant or submissive. The M/f couple then, can be at the top of the BDSM hierarchy, with the male dominant on top of course because he’s dominant (and dominants are supposed to be superior).

Where do female dominants and male submissives land in this hierarchy? Female dominants get a higher place in the BDSM hierarchy than male submissives because even though they are stepping outside of the ‘act like a woman box’ 1) they too are dominants, which are intrinsically better than submissives according to our boxes, and 2) they are taking on masculine traits, which lifts their status rather than lowers it. Therefore, the hierarchy is topped by male dominants, then female dominants, then female submissives, and then male submissives. The latter group find themselves at the bottom of the heap because, like female dominants, they cannot reconcile their two roles, but unlike femdoms their new role takes them down a peg rather than boosting them up the ladder.

(Link in the quotation added by me.)

I rarely blog simply to say, “Go read this other thing,” but this is important enough to do exactly that. Please, please, please go read Dev’s post. It not only contains further analysis of the sexism inherent in mainstream BDSM culture (yes, even subcultures have a mainstream), it offers some generic advice for “throwing out the bad” and “keeping what works.” Just the other day, I published a "PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT for submissive men" (and other marginalized peoples) that I feel is equally important to associate with this post:

The BDSM Scene is an abusive social institution that provides structural cover for rapists, has economic incentives to silence survivors of sexual assault, and contains numerous for-profit businesses actively invested in the exploitation of its own members. Unfortunately, many assailants hold positions of power within the community, which makes it extremely difficult to talk about without being ostracized from the community.

No matter what they say, the BDSM community does NOT hold a monopoly on your sex life nor on your ability to play safely, or to find partners who you love and who will love you. The BDSM community is by and large only supportive of people who are white, heterosexual, class-privileged, cisgendered, conformant to hegemonic societal ideals of beauty, able-bodied, and so on.

The BDSM Scene’s whiteness is classism at work supporting sexism and racism. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. I strongly urge everyone interested in BDSM sexuality to AVOID AND DISASSOCIATE with any and all formal leather/kink/BDSM/fetish organizations in your area.

This is even more important for submissive men, trans people, old women, and fat women, all of whom are routinely used and discarded in both mainstream culture and the BDSM community as nothing more than a butt of a joke.

We deserve better. You deserve better. These people have no interest in doing right by you; most of them are nothing more valuable than privileged shits.

I urge you, from the bottom of my heart and a deeply personal place of empathetic experience, let their world burn. They’re doing it already; they don’t even need the media to make them look bad. Their behavior, abuse cover-ups, and rape apologism mimics the catholic Church, now.

None of this is hyperbole. As I said in a comment on Dev’s post, the “links […] provide details about each assertion made.”

I have been in an epistemically abusive relationship with the BDSM Scene for far too long. Enough. The BDSM Scene and its privileged shits can go frak themselves. And I hope they do.

-maymay

maymay:

The intersection of performative masculinity/femininity and dominance/submission, by Dev

Please read the whole post. Please.

See also:

ztvf7jsh8a
Tue Jul 5
A very old man closes his eyes as a tag and padlock are affixed to a wavy metal collar encircling his neck.
Today, I turned 27, and I am afraid. When I look to the future, I feel capable of seeing only the single stereotype of older submissive men that exists: alone, disgusting, and desperate. I like this picture because it offers an escape, however fleeting, from that catastrophizing.
Today, I turned 27, and I am angry. Everywhere I look in public, there are different discussions happening than everywhere I look in private. When I try to articulate this difference, it rarely receives public acknowledgement. So I lash out in barely-restrained anger at people I ought not. These comments are another good illustration:

Before I ever wore a collar, I read about other submissives being collared on blogs, and I thought it sounded nice, but in a ritualistic way that seemed a little hokey to me.  Still, it seemed meaningful for them.
I like to imagine the man in this picture has been a submissive all his life, but only now he’s been able to act on that and find a dominant lover.  And here he is, being collared at last, when he’s 84.  That seems very romantic….

Think, for a moment, how 84 years of unrequited submissive desire might feel. Only in as sick a world as ours could this be called “romantic.” It should be called epistemic abuse.
Today, I turned 27, and I am diffident. Ironically, my reputation as the author of this website could be turned into more opportunities to play and fuck the way I want than I ever imagined. But in that reality I can no longer honestly count myself among the men for whom I want my writings to speak.
Please understand that I feel as though I was the creepy old guy before he was either creepy or old. I was hurting because the community where I felt most at home was the same one that made me feel the most unattractive.
So as my youth—that other stereotype of sexual desirability—inevitably slips further away, I grow more afraid. And the more I’m told to “count my blessings,” the angrier I get, not because I’ve got nothing going for me, but because I cannot abide a world in which some of us are so love- and touch-starved that getting something back from sharing really personal fears with the Internet is considered a “blessing” in the first place.
I think we can do better. What’s stopping us?
-maymay

A very old man closes his eyes as a tag and padlock are affixed to a wavy metal collar encircling his neck.

Today, I turned 27, and I am afraid. When I look to the future, I feel capable of seeing only the single stereotype of older submissive men that exists: alone, disgusting, and desperate. I like this picture because it offers an escape, however fleeting, from that catastrophizing.

Today, I turned 27, and I am angry. Everywhere I look in public, there are different discussions happening than everywhere I look in private. When I try to articulate this difference, it rarely receives public acknowledgement. So I lash out in barely-restrained anger at people I ought not. These comments are another good illustration:

Before I ever wore a collar, I read about other submissives being collared on blogs, and I thought it sounded nice, but in a ritualistic way that seemed a little hokey to me.  Still, it seemed meaningful for them.

I like to imagine the man in this picture has been a submissive all his life, but only now he’s been able to act on that and find a dominant lover.  And here he is, being collared at last, when he’s 84.  That seems very romantic….

Think, for a moment, how 84 years of unrequited submissive desire might feel. Only in as sick a world as ours could this be called “romantic.” It should be called epistemic abuse.

Today, I turned 27, and I am diffident. Ironically, my reputation as the author of this website could be turned into more opportunities to play and fuck the way I want than I ever imagined. But in that reality I can no longer honestly count myself among the men for whom I want my writings to speak.

Please understand that I feel as though I was the creepy old guy before he was either creepy or old. I was hurting because the community where I felt most at home was the same one that made me feel the most unattractive.

So as my youth—that other stereotype of sexual desirability—inevitably slips further away, I grow more afraid. And the more I’m told to “count my blessings,” the angrier I get, not because I’ve got nothing going for me, but because I cannot abide a world in which some of us are so love- and touch-starved that getting something back from sharing really personal fears with the Internet is considered a “blessing” in the first place.

I think we can do better. What’s stopping us?

-maymay

ztvf7jsh8a
Sun May 29
A man bound with his arms above his head bites his lip as a woman wearing a sunhat gropes him and smiles.
Shortly after I saw this contribution to Submissive Secrets, I reblogged it on my personal Tumblr to ask for more images featuring both male submission and body-positivity. Almost immediately after that, ireensarrows suggested this photograph. Then, after using that “secret” to announce Submissive Secrets on Male Submission Art, mswyrr independently suggested the exact same photograph.
I could not have been more pleased. Not only is this picture a gorgeous contribution in its own right—look at her smile, his responsiveness, the bondage!—the models are none other than my friends Kitty Stryker, a self-identified fat girl, and her partner (whose self-identification I am unaware of but who is certainly larger in size than I am); I recognized them immediately. Moreover, the image is sourced from the Filament Magazine blog, whose author, Suraya Singh, has been a repeat guest on the netcast I produce, Kink On Tap.
In one hand, the fact that there seems to be such a small group of Good People doing this Good Work is disquieting. In the other, I’m reminded how despite the fact that only 2% of Americans were actively involved in the civil rights movement, they had an enormous impact. (And while I cannot verify that statistic, I also don’t wish to see it debunked because it gives me hope.)
mswyrr had this to say:
In response to the secret you posted: submissive boys with body fat are fucking gorgeous, too. Sweet and touchable. I could cuddle up to a boy and stroke his soft tummy in quiet bliss for hours. There are no words!
I like skinny boys, too. But, among the minority of images portraying male submission, it is a sad fact that thin men and buff men are most widely represented. I’m submitting this image because it’s one of the few I’ve found of a big, beautiful fellow. Guh.
As I’ve said before, the sheer number of duplicate suggestions this blog gets evinces the paltry availability of quality erotic images featuring marginalized groups. Even the way "male submission" is often (mis)understood as "femdom" reveals a fractal pattern of categorical privilege flipped upside-down when it comes to sexuality. Though not always welcome attention, fat women are sometimes fetishized, while fat men are overwhelmingly portrayed as purely repulsive.
Kitty has written about the “rather weighty issue" of her size:
[I]f I’m just having a self-concious sort of day, I get a bit nervous stripping down. I make sure my panties are smoothed over my belly in a way that disguises the way it curves to my pubic hair. […] I wouldn’t say I don’t like [my body]—I do, we go through a lot together, it and I, and I have few complaints—I think I feel uncertain of it, more, unsure that it’s up to par.
Although written by a woman, these are sentiments I imagine many fat men can relate to. As with most issues regarding self-esteem, the discussion is dominated by women’s insecurities, leaving men trapped in the Man Box. As a result, fat men frequently face similar sexual erasure as other “other”-ed groups. Sadly, they have few places, if any, to experience being desired—as they are.
-maymay

A man bound with his arms above his head bites his lip as a woman wearing a sunhat gropes him and smiles.

Shortly after I saw this contribution to Submissive Secrets, I reblogged it on my personal Tumblr to ask for more images featuring both male submission and body-positivity. Almost immediately after that, ireensarrows suggested this photograph. Then, after using that “secret” to announce Submissive Secrets on Male Submission Art, mswyrr independently suggested the exact same photograph.

I could not have been more pleased. Not only is this picture a gorgeous contribution in its own right—look at her smile, his responsiveness, the bondage!—the models are none other than my friends Kitty Stryker, a self-identified fat girl, and her partner (whose self-identification I am unaware of but who is certainly larger in size than I am); I recognized them immediately. Moreover, the image is sourced from the Filament Magazine blog, whose author, Suraya Singh, has been a repeat guest on the netcast I produce, Kink On Tap.

In one hand, the fact that there seems to be such a small group of Good People doing this Good Work is disquieting. In the other, I’m reminded how despite the fact that only 2% of Americans were actively involved in the civil rights movement, they had an enormous impact. (And while I cannot verify that statistic, I also don’t wish to see it debunked because it gives me hope.)

mswyrr had this to say:

In response to the secret you posted: submissive boys with body fat are fucking gorgeous, too. Sweet and touchable. I could cuddle up to a boy and stroke his soft tummy in quiet bliss for hours. There are no words!

I like skinny boys, too. But, among the minority of images portraying male submission, it is a sad fact that thin men and buff men are most widely represented. I’m submitting this image because it’s one of the few I’ve found of a big, beautiful fellow. Guh.

As I’ve said before, the sheer number of duplicate suggestions this blog gets evinces the paltry availability of quality erotic images featuring marginalized groups. Even the way "male submission" is often (mis)understood as "femdom" reveals a fractal pattern of categorical privilege flipped upside-down when it comes to sexuality. Though not always welcome attention, fat women are sometimes fetishized, while fat men are overwhelmingly portrayed as purely repulsive.

Kitty has written about the “rather weighty issue" of her size:

[I]f I’m just having a self-concious sort of day, I get a bit nervous stripping down. I make sure my panties are smoothed over my belly in a way that disguises the way it curves to my pubic hair. […] I wouldn’t say I don’t like [my body]—I do, we go through a lot together, it and I, and I have few complaints—I think I feel uncertain of it, more, unsure that it’s up to par.

Although written by a woman, these are sentiments I imagine many fat men can relate to. As with most issues regarding self-esteem, the discussion is dominated by women’s insecurities, leaving men trapped in the Man Box. As a result, fat men frequently face similar sexual erasure as other “other”-ed groups. Sadly, they have few places, if any, to experience being desired—as they are.

-maymay

ztvf7jsh8a
A “secret” shared via Submissive Secrets, a community art project based on the PostSecret concept and inspired by several contributions to the Queer Secrets Tumblr regarding BDSM. The secret is:
[ Image: the Male Submission Art tumblr, with title changed to Male Submission Art With Over 15% Body Fat. The search box says “men who look like me” and the content column is blank. Text: I must have heard it over 100 times: “I like curvy women but skinny guys.” I know most guys aren’t supposed to be anxious about their bodies. But I wouldn’t be here in the first place if I was most guys. ]
I’m posting this here because, after years of sharing pieces of my story with you, I’d like to invite you to share a piece of your story with me.
As you may know, Male Submission Art was a website created in a fit of frustration. At its root, this website is a response to (epistemically abusive) pain. Specifically, it’s a response to the pain inflicted by the sometimes inescapable presumption of male dominance.
I maintain that although this pain is not a universal experience, it is an underreported, under-appreciated, and above all underrepresented manifestation of the abuse culture in which we live. Abuse culture spawns rape culture. But abuse culture also spawns transphobia. It spawns psychopathic “blinding macho” socialization. And, as this secret makes so beautifully clear, it spawns body-negativity.
I, for one, am sick and tired of being sick and tired—I am tired of feeling alone. And so, in a fit of frustration, like Male Submission Art before it, I recently made a spinoff website called Submissive Secrets as a response to this pain.
In his blog, Roger Ebert described the effect of loneliness like this:
When I was a child the mailman came once a day. Now the mail arrives every moment. I used to believe it was preposterous that people could fall in love online. Now I see that all relationships are virtual, even those that take place in person. Whether we use our bodies or a keyboard, it all comes down to two minds crying out from their solitude.
My experience blogging at Male Submission Art has been a remarkable education in the way one might use a keyboard to cry out from one’s solitude. It embodies, in cyberspace, my own desperate attempt to transform things that harm me into things that help me. But this website is largely still about me and so, at times, I have felt regret that my own pain sometimes prevented me from updating this site on a more regular basis because I know how much it has helped others.
Now that I know I’m not alone, this website is no longer enough. As I wrote on the Submissive Secrets about page:
I believe it is time to tell the stories and share the thoughts, feelings, desires, and fears submissive men and those who love them have in a way that offers solidarity, compassion, empathy, trust, sympathy, lust, and, of course, love. 
[…]
Since storytelling is the foundation of any movement, I want to collect the stories of any male, male-identified, or masculine-of-center person who’s submissively inclined or curious. And I also want to collect the stories of everyone else who is attracted to, interested in, or supportive of such drives for personal fulfillment. And then, once we have all shared our stories about these experiences, we will have made the world a better place for it, and, together, we are going to show everyone that it is good to be the kind of people we are.
It’s true we are not all identical; we have a variety of different tastes. But we are all human. And we all deserve to be happy. So if we can’t just snap our fingers and make everyone happy, the least we can do is make ourselves heard.
[…]
My hope is that with everyone sharing pieces of their story, we will weave a beautiful patchwork tapestry.
And so, from my mind to yours, I invite you: be heard.
-maymay

A “secret” shared via Submissive Secrets, a community art project based on the PostSecret concept and inspired by several contributions to the Queer Secrets Tumblr regarding BDSM. The secret is:

[ Image: the Male Submission Art tumblr, with title changed to Male Submission Art With Over 15% Body Fat. The search box says “men who look like me” and the content column is blank. Text: I must have heard it over 100 times: “I like curvy women but skinny guys.” I know most guys aren’t supposed to be anxious about their bodies. But I wouldn’t be here in the first place if I was most guys. ]

I’m posting this here because, after years of sharing pieces of my story with you, I’d like to invite you to share a piece of your story with me.

As you may know, Male Submission Art was a website created in a fit of frustration. At its root, this website is a response to (epistemically abusive) pain. Specifically, it’s a response to the pain inflicted by the sometimes inescapable presumption of male dominance.

I maintain that although this pain is not a universal experience, it is an underreported, under-appreciated, and above all underrepresented manifestation of the abuse culture in which we live. Abuse culture spawns rape culture. But abuse culture also spawns transphobia. It spawns psychopathic “blinding macho” socialization. And, as this secret makes so beautifully clear, it spawns body-negativity.

I, for one, am sick and tired of being sick and tired—I am tired of feeling alone. And so, in a fit of frustration, like Male Submission Art before it, I recently made a spinoff website called Submissive Secrets as a response to this pain.

In his blog, Roger Ebert described the effect of loneliness like this:

When I was a child the mailman came once a day. Now the mail arrives every moment. I used to believe it was preposterous that people could fall in love online. Now I see that all relationships are virtual, even those that take place in person. Whether we use our bodies or a keyboard, it all comes down to two minds crying out from their solitude.

My experience blogging at Male Submission Art has been a remarkable education in the way one might use a keyboard to cry out from one’s solitude. It embodies, in cyberspace, my own desperate attempt to transform things that harm me into things that help me. But this website is largely still about me and so, at times, I have felt regret that my own pain sometimes prevented me from updating this site on a more regular basis because I know how much it has helped others.

Now that I know I’m not alone, this website is no longer enough. As I wrote on the Submissive Secrets about page:

I believe it is time to tell the stories and share the thoughts, feelings, desires, and fears submissive men and those who love them have in a way that offers solidarity, compassion, empathy, trust, sympathy, lust, and, of course, love.

[…]

Since storytelling is the foundation of any movement, I want to collect the stories of any male, male-identified, or masculine-of-center person who’s submissively inclined or curious. And I also want to collect the stories of everyone else who is attracted to, interested in, or supportive of such drives for personal fulfillment. And then, once we have all shared our stories about these experiences, we will have made the world a better place for it, and, together, we are going to show everyone that it is good to be the kind of people we are.

It’s true we are not all identical; we have a variety of different tastes. But we are all human. And we all deserve to be happy. So if we can’t just snap our fingers and make everyone happy, the least we can do is make ourselves heard.

[…]

My hope is that with everyone sharing pieces of their story, we will weave a beautiful patchwork tapestry.

And so, from my mind to yours, I invite you: be heard.

-maymay

ztvf7jsh8a
Sat May 14
An opulently dressed man in Greek-inspired clothing and greaves leans backwards onto a ledge as a similarly-dressed woman holds him by the waist and grips his hair.
Here’s a complex picture whose layered meanings become more complex as one learns its context. Suggested independently by both Science Me Harder and Svollga, the image is a photograph from a 1932 stage production of The Warrior’s Husband (one year before it became a Hollywood screenplay) showing Katharine Hepburn in the role of Antiope, an Amazon royal, and Colin Keith-Johnston in the role of Theseus, leader of the Greek army. It’s a gorgeous picture for all the reasons Science Me Harder enumerates:

[T]his picture always strikes me as beautiful because of the way the woman holds the man’s hair and supports him with her other arm, and especially the way the man seems to be standing so still and willing to be held with his eyes closed.

Svollga shared similar sentiments:

I was very attracted to this image, both because it’s beautiful (the lines! the poses! the dynamics!) and because to me, it speaks clearly of power exchange and female domination. The historical context only adds more layers to the feeling. (Not to mention that it hits a lot of my kinks, from gender role-reversal to hair-gripping.)
It looks like a reversal of roles for the bodice-ripper cover. Usually, it’s a man holding a woman around a waist, leaning her back, even gripping her hair. Here, the woman (and a very feminine one) does it all to a (big and strong) man—and he seems to like it. They are both very sensual and relaxed in this picture. It looks like a foreplay where people are either well-acquainted or just very comfortable with each other, and they are actually playing while being quite serious about it.

While I share Svollga’s enthrallment with this picture, overt role-reversal was intentionally comedic in the 1930s. The “historical context” is quite different than what one might hope. According to the 1933 screenplay’s description, The Warrior’s Husband is not a tale of female domination, but rather voluntary female subordination:

The Warrior’s Husband is a satire of the male and female roles in society set in 800 B.C. starring Elissa Landi as Antiope, an Amazonian beauty and sister to the queen of Pontus. Queen Hippolyta (Marjorie Rambeau) rules Pontus with masculine authority; in fact, it is the women of Pontus who do all the laboring, fighting, and governing. Hippolyta’s husband Sapiens (Ernest Truex) is truly a sissy of the first order, and is not unlike most of Pontus’ male inhabitants. When the Greek army under Theseus (DM) invades in pursuit of the queen’s “magic girdle,” the appearance of real men on the scene is strange and unnerving to the women of Pontus. Struck by Antiope’s beauty Theseus woos her and, reluctantly at first, she falls in love with him. Realizing the value of male leadership, the Amazons willingly allow the men to assume control.

Lacking context, we can easily project our fantasies onto this image but when we factor in the story’s plot we see that gender roles were not actually reversed. Even before the story’s culmination in the patriarchy we’re familiar with, “masculine authority” was used to rule Pontus and its “sissy” male inhabitants were not “real men.” Reversing anatomy does not in fact reverse gender role because gender is not the same as sex; in Pontus, women functioned as men only so long as “real men” were not present, while men functioned as women until they were replaced by abusive psychopaths wielding weapons who suffer from what Kathleen Barry calls “blinding macho” socialization.
In this way, The Warrior’s Husband is a useful parable explaining the contemporary BDSM community’s shared delusion. Although the community’s sycophants like to tout their “diversity,” most organized elements of “The Scene” essentially recreate Pontus by equating performances of masculinity with domination and performances of femininity with submission. In The Scene, things are only cursorily more complex since dominance is privileged while submission is devalued regardless of one’s genitalia.
While there is certainly space for gender role-reversal within BDSM, by ignorantly supplanting the overculture’s (man/woman) gender binary with their own (dominant/submissive) power binary, BDSM’ers sabotage the possibility for creative expression within their scenes and undercut whatever credibility they wish to claim on the matter.
-maymay
oldhollywood:

Katharine Hepburn as Amazon warrior princess Antiope & Colin Keith-Johnston as Theseus in stage production of The Warrior’s Husband (1932) (via corbis)

An opulently dressed man in Greek-inspired clothing and greaves leans backwards onto a ledge as a similarly-dressed woman holds him by the waist and grips his hair.

Here’s a complex picture whose layered meanings become more complex as one learns its context. Suggested independently by both Science Me Harder and Svollga, the image is a photograph from a 1932 stage production of The Warrior’s Husband (one year before it became a Hollywood screenplay) showing Katharine Hepburn in the role of Antiope, an Amazon royal, and Colin Keith-Johnston in the role of Theseus, leader of the Greek army. It’s a gorgeous picture for all the reasons Science Me Harder enumerates:

[T]his picture always strikes me as beautiful because of the way the woman holds the man’s hair and supports him with her other arm, and especially the way the man seems to be standing so still and willing to be held with his eyes closed.

Svollga shared similar sentiments:

I was very attracted to this image, both because it’s beautiful (the lines! the poses! the dynamics!) and because to me, it speaks clearly of power exchange and female domination. The historical context only adds more layers to the feeling. (Not to mention that it hits a lot of my kinks, from gender role-reversal to hair-gripping.)

It looks like a reversal of roles for the bodice-ripper cover. Usually, it’s a man holding a woman around a waist, leaning her back, even gripping her hair. Here, the woman (and a very feminine one) does it all to a (big and strong) man—and he seems to like it. They are both very sensual and relaxed in this picture. It looks like a foreplay where people are either well-acquainted or just very comfortable with each other, and they are actually playing while being quite serious about it.

While I share Svollga’s enthrallment with this picture, overt role-reversal was intentionally comedic in the 1930s. The “historical context” is quite different than what one might hope. According to the 1933 screenplay’s description, The Warrior’s Husband is not a tale of female domination, but rather voluntary female subordination:

The Warrior’s Husband is a satire of the male and female roles in society set in 800 B.C. starring Elissa Landi as Antiope, an Amazonian beauty and sister to the queen of Pontus. Queen Hippolyta (Marjorie Rambeau) rules Pontus with masculine authority; in fact, it is the women of Pontus who do all the laboring, fighting, and governing. Hippolyta’s husband Sapiens (Ernest Truex) is truly a sissy of the first order, and is not unlike most of Pontus’ male inhabitants. When the Greek army under Theseus (DM) invades in pursuit of the queen’s “magic girdle,” the appearance of real men on the scene is strange and unnerving to the women of Pontus. Struck by Antiope’s beauty Theseus woos her and, reluctantly at first, she falls in love with him. Realizing the value of male leadership, the Amazons willingly allow the men to assume control.

Lacking context, we can easily project our fantasies onto this image but when we factor in the story’s plot we see that gender roles were not actually reversed. Even before the story’s culmination in the patriarchy we’re familiar with, “masculine authority” was used to rule Pontus and its “sissy” male inhabitants were not “real men.” Reversing anatomy does not in fact reverse gender role because gender is not the same as sex; in Pontus, women functioned as men only so long as “real men” were not present, while men functioned as women until they were replaced by abusive psychopaths wielding weapons who suffer from what Kathleen Barry calls “blinding macho” socialization.

In this way, The Warrior’s Husband is a useful parable explaining the contemporary BDSM community’s shared delusion. Although the community’s sycophants like to tout their “diversity,” most organized elements of “The Scene” essentially recreate Pontus by equating performances of masculinity with domination and performances of femininity with submission. In The Scene, things are only cursorily more complex since dominance is privileged while submission is devalued regardless of one’s genitalia.

While there is certainly space for gender role-reversal within BDSM, by ignorantly supplanting the overculture’s (man/woman) gender binary with their own (dominant/submissive) power binary, BDSM’ers sabotage the possibility for creative expression within their scenes and undercut whatever credibility they wish to claim on the matter.

-maymay

oldhollywood:

Katharine Hepburn as Amazon warrior princess Antiope & Colin Keith-Johnston as Theseus in stage production of The Warrior’s Husband (1932) (via corbis)

ztvf7jsh8a
Sun Feb 20
Lightly blindfolded and holding the handle of a flogger in hir mouth, a trans-male bottom is beaten by an enthusiastic top.
This photograph is part of a set in an album called Kinky Tea Party, although it arrived with a note titled “Reverse-tea scene,” which is perhaps a more accurate name. The set has numerous fantastic images, and I couldn’t easily decide which to feature here. Ultimately, I felt drawn to the emotional and physical exposure in this one; both models are emotive and, despite the violent symbolism inherent in the sadomasochistic act, neither model embodies violence.
That said, I’d be remiss not to point you at the other photographs in the set I think are particularly beautiful, especially because they reveal a wider, even more fascinating context to the photo shoot, which Sadie, who contributed this image, explained:
I am Sadie, the grinning trans-womyn in the photos.  My partner, the GQ [genderqueer] trans-male identified play-thing in the photos is Tanner Fierce.  The femme GQ photographer is my dear friend Milo Ampersand.
The premise for this shoot was that there is an intentional and awkward disconnect between polite society and the sexual reality of all human interactions.  Milo arranged a half-dozen of hir friends to have a well-dressed tea-party.  Tanner and I had a flogging scene in their midst, and the party-goers were dis-allowed from looking at or acknowledging our presence in any way, as they sipped tea and spoke in faux British accents of the weather and local politics.
What was especially exciting about this scene was the tension between Tanner’s physical submission, and the party-goers psychological submission.  In particular, the man in the grey suit (who is one of Tanner’s best friends) was exquisitely torn between the instruction to abstain from looking, and the irresistible desire to engage with the sexual reality of the space.  This tension, and the power of dominating without any direct interaction was the primary appeal of the scene.  The result was what I have come to think of as a reverse-tea scene, where everyone serves themselves tea, for one-domme’s pleasure.
That. Is. Awesome.
-maymay

Lightly blindfolded and holding the handle of a flogger in hir mouth, a trans-male bottom is beaten by an enthusiastic top.

This photograph is part of a set in an album called Kinky Tea Party, although it arrived with a note titled “Reverse-tea scene,” which is perhaps a more accurate name. The set has numerous fantastic images, and I couldn’t easily decide which to feature here. Ultimately, I felt drawn to the emotional and physical exposure in this one; both models are emotive and, despite the violent symbolism inherent in the sadomasochistic act, neither model embodies violence.

That said, I’d be remiss not to point you at the other photographs in the set I think are particularly beautiful, especially because they reveal a wider, even more fascinating context to the photo shoot, which Sadie, who contributed this image, explained:

I am Sadie, the grinning trans-womyn in the photos. My partner, the GQ [genderqueer] trans-male identified play-thing in the photos is Tanner Fierce. The femme GQ photographer is my dear friend Milo Ampersand.

The premise for this shoot was that there is an intentional and awkward disconnect between polite society and the sexual reality of all human interactions. Milo arranged a half-dozen of hir friends to have a well-dressed tea-party. Tanner and I had a flogging scene in their midst, and the party-goers were dis-allowed from looking at or acknowledging our presence in any way, as they sipped tea and spoke in faux British accents of the weather and local politics.

What was especially exciting about this scene was the tension between Tanner’s physical submission, and the party-goers psychological submission. In particular, the man in the grey suit (who is one of Tanner’s best friends) was exquisitely torn between the instruction to abstain from looking, and the irresistible desire to engage with the sexual reality of the space. This tension, and the power of dominating without any direct interaction was the primary appeal of the scene. The result was what I have come to think of as a reverse-tea scene, where everyone serves themselves tea, for one-domme’s pleasure.

That. Is. Awesome.

-maymay