Male Submission Art

Kneeling in total blackness, a naked man in a rope harness and...

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 23:55:39 -0800

Kneeling in total blackness, a naked man in a rope harness and headdress leans back and faces upwards.

I like this entrancing photograph by LarsNYC on Flickr for its obvious and overt strength. The man is holding himself up with closed fists right along with the open and vulnerable pose. That combination creates an appealing composite because it hints at some significant substance from the model himself.

One of my favorite things about this picture, though, is the total solitude in which the man is shown; there are only minimal accoutrement to indicate a possibly submissive orientation other than his pose. This is remarkable because in my eyes it highlights the fact that submission does not come about through someone else’s control. That’s mere restriction in the best case and abuse in the worst. Instead, it comes about through a submissive person’s active desire to submit.

Consensual sexual submission is not about how someone else controls me, it’s about the opportunities I create for myself to be vulnerable to another person. A desire for sexual submission itself is a valid motivation for healthy sex, despite being a desire that’s often pathologized or invalidated by cultural pressures, levied particularly harshly on men. That’s why I so strongly advocate for empowering every individual to choose exactly what they do or do not want—a power that’s required to make healthy sexual choices for one’s self, even “as a submissive.”

-maymay

ireensarrows:

male:self march # 4 (via lars nyc)

The penis of a lean man is leashed loosely with cord and pulled...

Sun, 07 Mar 2010 23:58:08 -0800

The penis of a lean man is leashed loosely with cord and pulled to one side.

It’s rare that I come across any penis photographs that I like because they’re so often preposterously garish. Frequently, people’s fixation on the phallus trumps too many other considerations, replacing any opportunity I might have found for reverence with scorn. The model in this picture, however, actually seems honorable to me. Perhaps it’s because, while his cock is an obvious centerpiece, there is so much else to enjoy about him, like the moisture dripping down his abdomen, the rough texture of his pubic hair, or the finely sculpted shape of his arms.

Wherever men are involved, a dangerous, wide-spread stereotype is almost inescapable: the cock-centric notion that if you control a man’s penis, you control the man. Like many submissive men, I fetishize this idea; the stereotype can be convenient fantasy. But in reality, it’s important to distinguish fetishistic triggers from causes of desires, lest we perpetuate the myth that dominance is always coercive, and submission always unassertive.

-maymay

Standing naked, a man’s wrists are tied behind his back...

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 23:51:56 -0800

Standing naked, a man’s wrists are tied behind his back with red rope as he holds a red rose upright in his right hand.

This photograph was sent in by caitiff, who wrote:

I am the photographer so I am not sure I can be unbiased. However, I liked the idea because I don’t see enough of bondage as a prop of romance. Hands tied with rope are as erotic to me (if not more) than any of the stereotypical examples one can think of (nudity, the rose, ect.).

I like this simple, if perhaps somewhat cliche image, because the symbolic use of object and color is clear enough that even I (an artistic dunce) can understand it. Perhaps the only thing missing from the picture are the thorns on the rose, which seem to have been cut from the stem. Nevertheless, the association between being physically bound to being emotionally committed is a powerful one.

Romance is frequently highly prescribed; Valentine’s Day, white-dress marriages, and serenades with string quartet accompaniment are oft-referenced platonic ideals. Moreover, it’s also strictly constrained; unions not based on gender or that include more than 2 people are often mistrusted. But of course, “true” romance—like “true love”—is what you choose to make of it.

-maymay

A burly, bleeding man partially bound half-naked to a wooden...

Sat, 20 Feb 2010 23:55:15 -0800

A burly, bleeding man partially bound half-naked to a wooden chair is punched in the face by another man wearing only the skimpiest of uniform apparel and military paraphernalia. Both men’s penises are visibly erect.

When I first saw this image, it jarred me to the point of concern, but it also reminded me of a great movie I have long eroticized: Fight Club. Even before my exposure to that movie as a teenager, I fantasized about losing fights to stronger people, usually other boys. In those fantasies, and perhaps in this (likely staged) photograph as well, unrestrained but invited aggression were highly emotional and cathartic outlets for stress, celebrations of personal strength or achievement, and playful, sporty fun.

Moreover, being beaten consensually and emerging from the experience successfully can feel mind-blowingly empowering. As Zac explains in his excellent talk at KinkForAll Providence:

BDSM is a personal theatrical ritual. […] It’s a private performance, in which the participants are actor, director, writer, audience and stunt double. The successful carrying out of a scene depends on their mutual engagement in a shared fantasy, and this depends on effective and mindful negotiation and communication. I’d contend that navigating the mental and ethical twists and turns involved in this scene-setting has, at best, the potential for helping people navigate issues of consent and coercion in other venues of their lives.

[…]

Philip Zimbardo […] gave a TED Talk on evil. He lays out seven pre-conditions for good people to commit evil acts. They are:

Mindlessly taking the first small step.

Dehumanization of others.

De-individuation of self.

Diffusion of personal responsibility.

Blind obedience to authority.

Uncritical conformity to group norms.

Passive tolerance of evil through inaction or indifference.

So, while what we do as kinksters is sometimes compared to the institutional abuses that happened at Abu Ghraib, there’s actually no comparison between that rubric and what we do. There’s no room in there for interactions between two consenting individuals, outside the structure of social institutions, based on negotiation, discussion, communication, and empathy.

(Skip to 4:01 in the video for the start of this quote.)

Nevertheless, since consensual sadomasochistic ritual is easily mistaken for abuse by uninformed observers, those of us who engage in it have been consistently pathologized by the medical community. As a result of their ignorance, some depictions of SM have already been outlawed in the UK and a US court recently sentenced a collector of “obscene” manga to 6 months in prison. Legal decisions like these are extremely dangerous to everyone’s freedoms because their premise fails to correctly recognize the very thing on which the law is based: intent.

The sad irony is that by criminalizing healthy explorations in navigating issues of coercion through consensual sexuality, anti-porn extremists are stunting the very self-determination they so desperately want everyone to have.

-maymay

(via pornotumble)

Leaning backwards, a man sits in the lap of a woman whose face...

Thu, 18 Feb 2010 23:59:56 -0800

Leaning backwards, a man sits in the lap of a woman whose face is pushed against his body and whose hands grasp at him possessively.

This photograph was suggested by Bailadora, who wrote to say that:

This picture immediately brought to mind the entry you wrote about being on the receiving end of an aggressive blowjob.

Although I can see why the imagery here would remind one of that blowjob post, this image speaks of possession, not assertion, to me. Perhaps it’s the position of the woman’s hands on the man’s body, pulling at his underwear and pawing at his neck, or perhaps it’s the almost sacrificial offering of his body in the way the man is baring his throat. Either way, what I like most about the photograph is the evident desire exuding from both models.

Desire is a complex beast; it’s difficult to succinctly and accurately communicate what it is that we want. Worse, if you enjoy occupying certain social roles, such as submissive masculinity, cultural preconceptions about what you are allowed to want so strongly influence so many people that actually getting what you want is made even harder. And if that weren’t enough, many people often perceive frustration from wanting-and-not-getting as anger or entitlement on your part when, in fact, such frustration is simply the innate human drive towards equal opportunity.

In my pessimistic moments, I’ve all but given up on getting what I want in a significant, lasting way. Neither the mainstream nor alternative communities have felt like a home to me, with the BDSM community perhaps the most oddly sexist of all. Nevertheless, I try to stay optimistic and make things better. When people ask me why, I tell them the simple truth: I’m doing it for the children, the unborn future generations of submissive men (and other youth) who deserve a better world than the one we’ve currently got.

Please help me make something better for them than was done for us.

-maymay

Many have written to me expressing thanks and praise. I find...

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 13:07:11 -0800

Many have written to me expressing thanks and praise. I find myself at a loss to express how thankful I am for that, because the fuel for this site and so much of my writings is and continues to be extreme personal sadness.

Today, Valentine’s Day, I again have only these two words instead of the three I wished for: thank you.

-maymay

The KinkForAll blue and white flame-in-flame icon. I am super...

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 01:18:14 -0800

The KinkForAll blue and white flame-in-flame icon.

I am super excited about participating in KinkForAll Providence this upcoming Saturday, February 6^th. If you don’t yet know about it, KinkForAll is a series of free, public, educational sexuality events in the form of highly participatory, ad-hoc conferences. The next one is taking place in Brown University, and is being (un)organized by Emma in cooperation with the Sexual Health Education and Empowerment Council, a student-run group at Brown University chaired by the stunningly pro-active Aida Manduley. To echo Aida’s pitch:

If you’re sex-positive, sex-curious, and/or just plain sexy, you should consider attending a KinkForAll.

KinkForAll Providence will be the 5^th one. If you’ve paged through the archives of this site, you’ll know that previous events were held in New York City, Boston, and near Washington, DC. That’s one KinkForAll, in 4 different cities, just about every 2 months or so in just the first year since KinkForAll’s conception! Wow!

KinkForAll began because people in sexuality communities have a real need to mix and mingle in a non-eroticized environment. More than that, it spread because participants recognized the need for this country’s (and perhaps the world’s) public discourse about issues relating to sexuality to engage everyone—not just activists—about sexual freedom and diversity.

Come out and help us push forward! And if you can’t make it in person for any reason at all, participate online at the KinkForAll Providence Live page! I hope to see you there!

-maymay

Bent at the waist, a naked man in darkness dangles from the end...

Wed, 03 Feb 2010 00:53:11 -0800

Bent at the waist, a naked man in darkness dangles from the end of a chain by the ropes binding his arms behind his back.

This photograph, called The Power’s Breaking Loose by vishstudio, was suggested by naturalnumber, and it’s part of a set that I really like. Of another photo in the set, tastethesea said:

My god I love this. Everything about this, right down to the daintily crossed ankles.

In both pictures, the man is definitely showing some “daintiness,” a hint and not much more than that of delicate beauty. I’m fond of the model’s pose in all the photos, but I especially like this one because of how entrancing the curved line from his back, down over his ass, to his legs, and finally his toes on each foot are. I like that line because it makes clear how carefully he’s standing and yet shows off obviously powerful muscles.

What at first might seem insubstantial can often reveal itself as very sturdy indeed because the distance from fragility to durability is not as far as many are taught to believe. This was not an easy lesson, and I still have to remind myself of it whenever I feel debilitating frustration over what others say my sexuality should be, whenever I get angrier than I know how to channel into pursuits that create rather than destroy, or whenever I feel helplessly unheard despite the hoarseness in my throat from screaming my presence.

This is not fun. It hurts. I’ve gotten tired of looking for lovers, or friends, or even just receptive ears at times; I truly believed I’d never experience sexual satisfaction on my own terms. But ultimately none of that stopped me from trying again. Nothing can stop me because I know my vulnerability and, although at times painful, it empowers me. That makes me, and others like me, unbreakable.

All of a sudden, this exclusive hegemony is not so hegemonic anymore.

-maymay

A young man leashed between the legs of a young woman kneels and...

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 01:23:19 -0800

A young man leashed between the legs of a young woman kneels and looks up at her. The woman looks back at him, holding a hand on the back of his head.

Despite risking having a sole focus on the dominant woman, this picture, suggested by msa_10, somehow manages to pull my eyes between her and the submissive man. The difference in height and expression of each partner brings a surprisingly balanced visual weight to the total composition. I particularly like the way the man seems captivated in this situation; the woman is holding his leash short but not taught, and one of her legs is slung over his shoulder but they’re not tightly closed around him. Perhaps he’s just finished going down on her, and now she is taking care of him.

Care taking after playtime is called aftercare and in a recent blog post about aftercare, Saynine observes:

[T]here seemed to be a consensus from both Pro FemDommes and non-Pro that male bottom/subs do not require the same level of aftercare [as bottom/submissive women do] or any at all. This is fascinating to me and I do not even have a theory as to why. I do wonder if maybe FemDommes are less interested in providing aftercare.

Sadly, I’ve observed the same thing. While the idea that men—regardless of D/s orientation—don’t need or want aftercare is prevalent, it is wrong and very dangerous. Saynine quotes one dominant woman saying:

Call it stereotypical but I really would consider [a man who wants aftercare] a sissy and not want to play with him again.

I feel that this ignorant view, perpetuated not only by such women but also by many men, stems from a misinformed belief that desiring care somehow makes people not-men. But such fundamental desires don’t actually manifest as gendered dichotomies. As Eve Ensler has said:

Let’s think how compassion informs wisdom, and that vulnerability is our greatest strength, and that emotions have inherent logic[…]. And then let’s remember that we’ve been taught the exact opposite by the powers that be. That compassion clouds your thinking, that it gets in the way, that vulnerability is weakness, that emotions are not to be trusted[…].

I think the whole world has, essentially, been brought up not to be a girl. How do we bring up boys? What does it mean to be a boy? To be a boy really means not to be a girl. To be a man means not to be a girl. To be a woman means not to be a girl. To be strong means not to be a girl. To be a leader means not to be a girl.

I actually think that being a girl is so powerful that we’ve had to train everyone not to be that.

(Skip to 2:00 in the video.)

Ensler’s “girl” is not an actual person, but an acknowledgement of the multiplicity of wants and needs that exists within each of us, man and woman, dominant and submissive, adult and child. What saddens me most about the ignorant dominant woman’s quote is that she doesn’t even see how her lack of compassion not only devalues others in her own eyes, but also cuts herself off from having access to valuable others. Such dominant women are not powerful, and therefore not attractive to a submissive man like me.

-maymay

Tied with ropes and blindfolded with a necktie, a muscular man...

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 00:24:12 -0800

Tied with ropes and blindfolded with a necktie, a muscular man wearing a suit is partially undressed.

This fun picture was sent in by Ranai, who says that the photograph is a promo pic from Men at Play, a UK-based gay porn site which specialises in horny men wearing suits. While this man’s body isn’t the kind of masculine ideal I aspire to, I can certainly understand the appeal it has for many women like her, and other people too:

Some men just look wonderful in a well-cut suit. Even better, half in and out of the suit, tied up, and with the necktie used as a blindfold. Hey, he even has a hint of chest hair. Not much, but it’s there. Oh yes! I love hair. Show me porn with beautiful hair any time. In summary, my well-considered commentary: fuckyeahtiedupmeninsuits!

Neckties, especially as blindfolds, are one of the most common examples of pervertible toys, which I love in part because they are ostensibly a symbol of male dominance in heteronormative spaces such as Western business markets. I never understood why sexuality had to be made so expensive, which is why I hate the socioeconomic barrier “sex toys” can be. Even underwear is a sex toy if you intend it to be, and not just for gags.

As an aside, I’ve been stressing a lot over my failure to update this blog according to my publication goal of 1 post per day, so I really appreciated Ranai’s personal note:

P.S. Please don’t worry so much about when you update MSA or not. Just do it whenever it works for you, and leave it as it is for a while when you’re busy with other projects. The site has a fabulous archive already.

Beyond taking the opportunity to thank you for the kind words, Ranai, I wanted to also remind readers that they—you—are not only invited but encouraged to suggest pictures and even entire posts by sending them to me. Most of the best pictures on this site have come from reader suggestions now, and if you compose a 2-3 paragraph piece to go along with your suggestion, it may get featured as a guest post.

Thank you for helping me keep the hot, sexy, submissive men pictures coming in. :)

-maymay

Kneeling on a mattress, a naked young man is tied with his arms...

Sat, 30 Jan 2010 15:20:27 -0800

Kneeling on a mattress, a naked young man is tied with his arms behind his back. His mouth is gagged, stuffed with fabric (presumably clothing of some sort) as he raises his head.

I instantly liked this photograph for a few simple reasons. The relatively good rope bondage, something that’s aggravatingly horrendous in most pictures of bound men, helps it stand out. I also like the spartan nature of the room he’s in, which offers certain suggestions for potential fantasies. But more than that, I like this man’s upwards glance and how almost-but-not-quite prepared he seems for whatever is about to happen.

His is a look not of certainty, but readiness, not of mastery, but willingness, not of being unafraid, but of being courageous. In my experience, submission is not solely about the control of others over me, but about my own self-control. Willingly and eagerly challenging myself to do things a dominant partner wants me to do because it is what they desire is how I’ve come to define the line between being submissive to someone and being bullied by someone.

This is why I so heartily approve of American sexologist Dr. William Henkin’s words about submission:

Submission can actually engender power: realizing that you have something to give, and that you are capable of mastering your own will to give it up the way your top wants it instead of the way you think [they] should want it, can inspire pride: not the false pride of an inflated ego, but the true pride that, like humility, comes from knowing the depths of your self.

Some people will say such pride is a sin. I think the real sin is shame and self-subjugation under the guise of superior morality. For in the end, to be authentically prideful, you must first be able to know yourself, your desires, and successfully communicate them to others, and I refuse to be branded a sinner for that.

-maymay

mostlystraight:

derekisme:

nakedpeople:

gaysexnearby:

So try and get away, then.

A nude man lies on his back on a bed with crimson sheets,...

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 23:16:47 -0800

A nude man lies on his back on a bed with crimson sheets, holding his arms over his head. He wears a studded leather cuff around each wrist, and a black ribbon tied around his erect penis.

This photograph was sent in by Felixpath, along with a very apropos description:

This is a pose I’ve always found intensely erotic: the submissive man laid bare, his body holding no secrets for the one who controls him. As a switch, I can easily picture myself standing over him…or in his position. Both are equally enticing. The eager, willing submission is what I like; a closer look reveals that his wrists don’t appear to be actually restrained. He is happy to bare himself and submit.

The subject of this picture happens to be a very close friend of mine, one who finds a great sense of self-identity in being submissive. Dominance and submission are built on trust, and it makes me happy that he trusts me enough to share this, and that he gets enjoyment out of displaying himself to others.

Despite obviously being very “out,” I have a certain amount of apprehension about baring myself too bare. It’s very, very difficult to be naked—both physically and metaphorically—in situations where one feels unsafe. And, while I strongly believe that being out of the closet is a safer place than being in it, there is an enormous difference between being “closeted” and being “private.” That’s why I’ll never accept the closet, and will always demand that everyone have a right to privacy and the right to define what that means for them.

Thank you, Felixpath, for sharing such positive thoughts with me (and everyone reading), and thanks also to the exhibitionistic man in the image you sent! :)

-maymay

Two feline anthropomorphic humanoids have sex with one another....

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 23:53:31 -0800

Two feline anthropomorphic humanoids have sex with one another. The larger of the two has spotted fur and is bound and gagged while laying on his back, penetrating his smaller partner on top, who is ejaculating.

This picture was sent by Alcibiades, who posted this drawing on their own blog along with a portion of the blog post as the suggested description, which is well worth a read.

I like furry porn a lot, as I’ve always been attracted to anthropomorphic ideas, especially when they manifest as sexual fantasy. Some of my favorite erotica has involved inter-species relationships, not because I find the thought of physical sensations with other intelligences necessarily pleasurable, but because of the humbling idea that such interactions demand a sensitivity to cultures, concepts, and physiology that is unfamiliar. This idea of remaining sensitive to difference is central to my sexual interactions with human partners, especially when we are new to one another. As I discussed on This Week In Kink episode 8, I often make it a priority to have “exploratory sex,” because I know that sex with someone I’ve never had sex with before is going to feel different than it ever has before, and that sex changes as we age. I get off on the novelty.

Furry facts aside, Alcibiade’s contribution is also incredibly on-point:

I’ve noticed in several gay communities online (nearly all of them also being furry communities, for whatever reason) that sub/dom is becoming a synonym for top/bottom[…]. For example, this picture was posted in the “subs coming handsfree from being fucked” thread on fchan.

It’s true that being the penetrated partner has always had submissive implications for me. […] Of course, at least part of it was because of ambient cultural memes about penetration: surely any guy that wanted that had to be submissive.

Yet it was also because of the simple mechanics of the acts as they had been presented to me so far: as far as I could tell, the penetrating partner controlled the action. He or she was generally in an upright, dominant position, with the penetrated partner in a vulnerable, inviting position, ass high in the air or on his or her back. While this is what the culture tells us what penetration should look like, it doesn’t have to be so.

Reading Alcibiades’s words, I can’t help but think that’s precisely what the woman on top sex position can be for. Moreover, penetrating can be an act of submissive service, and blowjobs can be dominant. Alcibiades’s point is well made, and I would perhaps only add that blurred distinctions between “top/bottom” and “dom/sub” are not good for the clarity of your relationship’s communication.

-maymay

(via physicalsophistry.blogspot.com)

A physically aroused young man sits on the ground, stripped and...

Sun, 17 Jan 2010 23:59:55 -0800

A physically aroused young man sits on the ground, stripped and bound to a fence behind him. Semen drips down his face, chest, and from his anus as another person takes a photograph of the moment using a cell phone camera.

This drawing turns me on because it contains many elements of my sexual fantasies. However, I seriously reconsidered posting it tonight because it shows an incredibly volatile subject. Interestingly, despite all that’s depicted here, the bondage, the indications of rough, likely homosexual sex, and the intense power imbalance, it’s the inclusion of the cell phone camera that turns this fictional picture into a potential political nightmare. I’m talking, of course, about “sexting.”

Personally, I enjoy rough sex involving consensual use of restraints and, yes, photography. While restraints were simpler for me to enjoy, being photographed makes me a little uncomfortable to this day because, by and large, a man’s value is measured in everything except his sex appeal. To be considered as potentially beautiful, or at least pretty enough to be visually desirable, seemed so impossible for so long that even a hint of such attention felt more likely to be putting me at the butt of a joke than giving me a compliment.

In the hegemonic gender paradigm, what a man cannot be, a woman is, and so when I was sixteen, my then-girlfriend and I set up a few private photo shoots in which I photographed her naked. This is not uncommon, abnormal, or unhealthy. It was, as much of young people’s behavior is, simply a necessary exploration of our own bodies, feelings, and desires. It was partly through experiences such as that one that I developed my sexual personhood, and my girlfriend developed hers.

Increasingly, however, young people’s rights—and particularly their sexual freedoms—are being whittled away by outrageous, paternalistic, and contradictory claims. As I said at KinkForAll Washington DC,

In December of 2006, the Denver Post reported on a Utah court case in which two 13 year old heterosexual adolescents were convicted of sexually molesting each other. They, too, are now both registered sex offenders. This story showcases a horrible double-standard of youth sexuality: at 13, you’re too young to be capable of consenting to sex, but apparently you’re old enough to consciously decide to sexually molest someone else.

Moreover, at such young ages you’re also apparently old enough to be charged with producing and distributing child porn of yourself, even when the pictures you take are not even close to the explicitness shown in the fictional drawing at the top of this post. So, in what is poised to be an extremely important legal case, A federal appeals court in Philadelphia may soon decide whether [teen girls] can be prosecuted under Pennsylvania child pornography laws merely for appearing in a “sexting” cell phone image, the Post-Gazette is reporting:

In 2008, then Wyoming County District Attorney George Skumanick Jr. threatened to prosecute the girls unless they attended what their lawyers called “re-education” classes and wrote an essay about why sexting is wrong.

Yesterday, before the three-judge panel, a lawyer for Mr. Skumanick said that was a legitimate effort to protect the teens from themselves and potential child predators, and compared it to other state laws—like motor vehicle rules—that regulate teen behavior.

That claim outraged ACLU lawyer Witold J. Walczak, who argued the prosecutor cannot accuse the girls of being pornographers under the guise of protecting them from pornographers.

“We’ve been mystified how anyone can look at these photos as pornography,” he said. “These photos are not even close calls.”

(Emphasis mine.)

America is tragically embroiled in more than enough wars right now. Stop putting our kids on the front lines of the war on sex. Stop treating them like the criminals you claim to be protecting them from. Stop destroying their future by forcing them onto sex offender registration lists. And, please, stop shaming American children to their own deaths. Just, stop.

-maymay

(via orz.4chan.org)

A man lays on the floor on his stomach in front of a partially...

Sat, 16 Jan 2010 21:38:46 -0800

A man lays on the floor on his stomach in front of a partially dressed, smiling woman smoking a cigarette, who spreads her legs open in front of him.

This photograph looks like a scan from a magazine or other dead-tree media and seems to have a watermark pointing at this Russian-language blog (although I have no idea why). It caught my eye because of how wonderfully it captures the interactions that go along with consensual sex, and cunnilingus in particular. Rather than giving us “a gynecologist’s view” with a closeup of the woman’s vulva, it includes most of both partners’ bodies, connecting not only to the sex act itself but also to the people involved. Even better, the camera angle simultaneously focuses on the man’s body in this position, yet we can also see the woman’s satisfied, genuine smile very clearly.

The simple fact that these people are obviously enjoying themselves makes this picture infinitely sexier. Since I’ve always absolutely loved giving my girlfriends oral sex, I really appreciate that she doesn’t seem to have any issues with her partner’s head between her legs. Sadly, however, many women do, because everything from national television programs, to countless products in the supermarket’s feminine hygiene aisle, to their workplaces reminds women that their value is sex appeal, as defined by hegemonic feminine ideals.

Without genitals of the right smell, taste, or color (for which dangerous and ineffective labia dye can be purchased), many women fear that there may be something “wrong” with their genitals. Tragically, this idea so strongly infects some women that they are willing to risk forfeiting health and sexual pleasure with surgery like labiaplasty to buy desirability from the very system that made them feel undesirable. This vicious cycle is nothing short of sexual consumerism at its worst.

-maymay

eagerlicker:

oldfart:

beautysub:

via img-d.photosight.ru

A young blonde man, bound at the wrists and gagged, kneels on...

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:51:42 -0800

A young blonde man, bound at the wrists and gagged, kneels on all fours as a fellow man anally fingers him while smiling broadly.

This drawing was suggested by psychoadept some time ago. I like it mostly because it seems the artist intentionally drew the pair having a lot of fun. The wide smile on the face of the top doesn’t strike me as sadistic, just happy. The bottom, for his part, seems to be enjoying the activities equally; his raised ass, open legs, and concerted look mimic my own when I’m starting to really get into it.

It’s a real shame that the simpler pleasures of sex, like, y’know fun, are so often hijacked and masked under layer upon layer of solemn ritual or other obstables. Sometimes they’re hijacked by the sorts of things you’d expect, like misguided morality or genuine ignorance and a lack of education. Other times they’re hijacked by things you wouldn’t expect, like sexism from people who ought to know better, or undeserved elitism.

Either way, sexual freedom is at the heart of what it means to be human, and happy. Sex and reproduction is, for obvious reasons, at the very core of life. I honestly can’t understand how so many people think actively restricting others from loving who or how they love, whether by stopping others’ marriages, preventing them from getting reproductive healthcare, or actively criminalizing consensual sexual tastes is in any way just, or why more people don’t deem such restrictions totally, unacceptably outrageous. Sometimes songwriters say it best:

If you’re not angry,
you’re just stupid,
or you don’t care.
How else can you react
when you know
something’s so unfair?

As Ani DiFranco’s lyrics point out, maybe some people don’t care. But if you care about your freedoms, the best way to protect them is to give others the same ones.

-maymay

A young man reclines on a couch in the sunlight, smoking a...

Mon, 11 Jan 2010 02:34:17 -0800

A young man reclines on a couch in the sunlight, smoking a cigarette. He is naked except for wearing heavy leather boots, a padlocked leather cuff on his right wrist, a collar with an O-ring, and a cockring at the base of his semi-erect penis.

I’ve been enamored with this arresting photograph for some time. From the markers of a collar and especially the single leather cuff around this man’s right wrist, it’s clear that he’s presenting as a submissive or a bottom. And yet everything about his body language speaks of an assertive, willful presence. His pointed gaze is insistent, bordering on demanding, and his unabashedly open pose screams shamelessness. After all this, I find the addition of a cigarette almost too much, as though the photographer didn’t trust the viewer to recognize the playful “bad boy” tone without it. Nevertheless, I think this picture is gorgeous.

It’s also particularly incisive because pairing submissive signals with such an imposing presence is rarely seen and even less often understood. The idea that submissive people (of any gender) can and should assert themselves in their submissiveness is, infuriatingly, heretical in both heteronormative and alternative communities. The idea of a submissive person as purely passive, or receptive—as, in the case of men, “womanly” and “less-than”—so thoroughly overwhelms hegemonic society that those of us who are submissively-inclined struggle to claim satisfaction in the face of our own desire for unfairness.

Recently, Thumper wrote a must-read blog post highlighting his struggle with this situation:

I was suddenly struck by something very profound. Something I’ve danced around and paid lip-service, but have not really owned up to. Something that has, oddly enough, left me somewhat shaken.

I am submissive.

Seriously, I know. Isn’t that ridiculous? Like, it says that right up there in the blog description. “Submissively inclined.” I’ve known this. But no. It’s different now. I’m not submissively inclined. I am submissive, period.

Considering the hegemonic masculine ideal as dominant, I posit that personal realizations of this sort are more difficult for submissive men than for women. By way of explanation, Thumper continues:

I admit to carrying around a prejudice against submissive males. […] It’s like I’m the white supremacist who just discovered the black grandmother he never knew about or the uber-masculine father of 12 who suddenly figured out he was gay. This is all horrible and all nasty and sad and not anything I’m happy about, but I see now that I’ve never fully embraced my submissive nature because I don’t especially like the archetype as it exists in our culture. In fact, there is no archetype. No role model. Nothing positive to look towards. Just layer after layer of stereotype and ridicule and cultural indifference. And now I know I’m one of them.

Submissiveness, and especially submissive men, are depicted as so undesirable by so much of contemporary culture that it’s no wonder “submissively-inclined” men like Thumper (and me, for a long time) refused to own the label. Moreover, common perception of what it means is hampered:

I’m very self-centered. […] You can’t be a self-centered submissive, right? That’s not actually possible, right?

Of course it is. There’s a distinction between self-centeredness and submissiveness; they’re apples and oranges! You can be a self-centered donor to charity, for example, because you get tax deductibles. Being submissive has nothing inherently to do with selfless service, an oft-cited misconception. Both dominance and submissiveness is entirely about satisfying one’s own sexual desires, just like any other sexual orientation or inclination. Submissive or not, we all deserve to have what we want.

-maymay

Update: Several people have written to me questioning whether or not this picture is entirely real. Closer examination shows that the model is wearing a left boot on his right foot. That’s disappointing, and it seems all of the leather accessories are Photoshopped. Everything I wrote regarding submissiveness, however, still stands.

derekisme:

strange get up … but very sexy boy

A blindfolded man cuffed to a bedrail lays motionless, his lips...

Sat, 09 Jan 2010 02:05:21 -0800

A blindfolded man cuffed to a bedrail lays motionless, his lips parted in anticipation.

This picture is the one used by Wikipedia’s article on male submission. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before, but I really like it. I can feel a certain empathy with the model because his slightly parted mouth and his tense hands betray his excitement.

Having not actually seen the Wikipedia article about “male submission” before, I eagerly read through the short page but was disappointed to find that it was written in much the same One True Way® tone that most of the depressingly “pathetic” blogosphere uses for the topic of submissive masculinity. Although a valiant attempt, the article discussed “levels” of male submission and needlessly focused on activities and negative gender stereotypes such as “sissification.” So, of course, I made some edits to improve the article.

The 30 minutes or so that I spent revising the article may seem like too much wasted effort to some people at the same time that it may seem like too little effort to others. This observation highlights a beautiful thing: the freedom to define personal value. I spent exactly the time and effort I wanted to spend on the work—no more and no less—and therefore contributed and acquired exactly the value I wanted from the experience.

For me, 2009 was a year of massive personal upheaval, as though a wildfire swept through my life and left me fresh and raw. It hurt, but like all natural processes, it also provided an incredible opportunity for rejuvenation. Our lives, like Wikipedia pages, are instantly editable in whatever way we want, whenever we want, and have far-reaching impacts we can’t always see instantly. Now, imagine what kind of world we would inhabit in 2010 if you, your friends, and all the people who look up to you understood that their opportunities today, like mine, are greater than they’ve ever been before.

-maymay

On a bed, a blindfolded man is gently bitten on the lips by a...

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 08:51:06 -0800

On a bed, a blindfolded man is gently bitten on the lips by a woman who has slipped her hand underneath his unzipped jeans. Bright red lipstick marks line the man’s torso.

This picture caught my eye because the evidence of what came before is wonderfully obvious. Kissing is excellent foreplay, and the positions of the models, now necessarily different than when she kissed him, pulls me into thinking about what they’ll do next. I also love the playful smile glimmering on the woman’s lips and the open-palmed, relaxed position of the man’s arms and hands above his head.

Despite the penchant many people think a submissive guy like me would have for only somewhat more intense sex, I genuinely like calmer and more comfortable encounters, as well. This shouldn’t really be a surprise, since sex can be deeply emotional. Just as I enjoy being penetrated, I enjoy penetrating as well.

It’s unfortunate that so many people are eager to limit and restrict what you may find enjoyable merely by telling you that you “shouldn’t.” Please think about that as you give and receive gifts this holiday season. Everyone needs and deserves the freedom to want what they want to want.

-maymay

ireensarrows:

apocalips:derekisme:(via secondstar05)

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that...

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 22:36:35 -0800

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that this site is just one of my many projects. Now, I’d like to take a moment to introduce you to another recent project of mine: Kink On Tap, the smart sexuality netcast recorded in conjunction with a live Internet audience (yes, that’s you!) every Sunday evening at 8 PM Eastern, 5 PM Pacific (and 1 AM UTC).

I strongly believe that sexuality is a fundamental aspect of a huge number of other topics ranging from medicine to the law to technology and human rights and beyond. Neither its influence in our own growth as individuals nor its impact on our society through culture can be understated. That’s why I revived Kink On Tap; to create a weekly forum where I and my talented co-host, Emma, can interact directly with you to discuss recent sexuality news and stuff that’s important, interesting, or just plain fun.

So, if you haven’t yet done so, set aside one minute (literally, it’s 59 seconds long) to listen to the Kink On Tap audio trailer Emma and I cut together to give you an idea of what the show is like. If you like what you hear, join us this Sunday—and every Sunday after that!—as we broadcast live, and consider reblogging this audio promo to tell your friends to come along with you.

Thanks for indulging me in this brief digression. :) Before long, it’ll be back to the sexy, sexy pictures of submissive men. In the mean time, have a happy holiday.